Tag Archive: neighbors

For whatever reason over the last few weeks my neighbors have become increasingly rude to me and my family. It started with issues surrounding the replacement of their lawn, and has gotten worse. A week or so ago they decided that having a few mushrooms and a bump or two in their lawn was too much, so they sprayed the entire thing with herbicide to kill it. Before they did this I asked them not to and explained that it was a terrible idea for many reasons. In the hopes that they would decide not to kill it I asked if I could have their lawn before it was sprayed. I hate lawns, but it was a perfectly healthy one and there was no reason to get rid of it. I was rudely told no and they sprayed their lawn anyway. They are going to rip it up and throw it out, and they will be bringing in lots of compost to level the ground and make it easier for grass to grow. I have no problem with the compost bit, I just don’t understand why it has to be ripped up. Anyway, that’s just where things start going south.

A few days ago I was out shoveling wood chips. I have gotten a lot of them moved in the last few weeks and have been working extremely hard to make this garden look great. Over the course of this year we had probably more than 12 yards of them delivered, and I’ve moved probably 10 of them out of the driveway. So, I was moving wood chips a few days ago, when my neighbors husband comes out and sees what I’m doing. He immediately asks if I have a special type of broom, which I don’t because I have no need for one. He then goes down to his garage and comes back to sweep my driveway, while I’m working. He doesn’t want any wood chips in his driveway and they all run down the street when it rains into his driveway and the driveway of the person who lives at the bottom of the hill. And by hill I mean maybe 50 feet of minimal incline. When all of these wood chips wash out they get in that persons driveway, and then they wash up into his garage, and he has to sweep his garage when that happens. First of all, I know that there are no wood chips that have gotten down that far because if you look down the street its completely clean. Second of all, this house at the bottom of the hill has problems every year because the water and leaves and everything run into his driveway. He came up to talk to me once to tell me that all of the water I was using to wash my car was getting in his driveway. And I wasn’t even washing my car, lol. It was the people two houses up. If your driveway floods that much, then you need to take it up with the city, not me. Anyway, because of this “major” issue my neighbor felt the need to clean up my driveway while I was making it messy.

And last but not least, the bumblebee issue. Several days ago my neighbors realized that bumblebees had moved into their birdhouse. They decided this was a very serious problem because the birdhouse is next to their clothing line, and they didn’t want the bed bothering them while they were hanging up the clothing. Even though they knew the bees wouldn’t sting them, and there had been no issue with the bees so far. They decided that killing them was the best option. They texted me first to ask if I wanted them, but said that if I couldn’t move them then they were going to spray them. I was beyond furious. Bumblebees are right at the brink of being on the endangered species list, and populations have been declining for years. These bees were by no means in the way, and they weren’t causing any harm. Be a decent human being and leave them alone. They won’t be there again come next year. As soon as I got home I quickly researched how to move a bumblebee nest. It seemed fairly simple, and come dusk I moved them into my garden while my neighbors were gone.

During this whole bumblebee thing my mom was becoming more and more agitated with me. She acted as though all of the problems with the neighbors were somehow my fault. As the evening progressed she became more agitated and decided that the only way to fix things was to get all of the wood chips out of the driveway. While I was moving the bumblebees she moved wood chips to the back yard and demanded that I help move them once I was done. This made me more annoyed because I worked a 7 hour day yesterday and I was sore and tired. I had no desire to do any kind of yard work, and was only doing the bumblebee thing because if I didn’t they would’ve been killed. My mom eventually asked me to haul wood chips up to the top of the stairs, and at that point I refused to do any more work. Hauling wood chips is really hard work, and hauling them up the equivalent of two flights of stairs is even harder. I told her that if she wanted the wood chips up there she was more than welcome to do it herself. This naturally meant that we were done hauling wood chips because I refused to do any heavy lifting. I think it was outrageous of my mom to ask me to do that after I had just worked the longest shift of my week. I appreciate that she works longer than I do, but she is sitting for 95% of that time, whereas I’m on my feet and mobile all day. I was sore and tired and my back hurt and I wanted to do nothing more than sit. Heavy lifting was the exact opposite of my plans for the evening.

In conclusion, my neighbors have decided to become excessively rude and per usual everything is my fault. It’s always so bizarre to me that this is the case, because I saved my mom literally more than $250 by getting these wood chips. Never mind the fact that the garden looks the best its ever looked. Never mind the fact that I have done 95% of the work to get it to look this way. Never mind the fact that I have come home from work and gone straight into the back yard to get it all done. I “could just be doing a little more”. Apparently having two jobs, an internship, and spending most of my free time gardening isn’t doing enough. She’s driving me crazy. I want to just build a big fence around my whole yard and put up a “do not disturb” sign on the gate. 

I broke down and told M how I felt about everything these past few months. Instead of summarizing it for you I’m just going to copy over the text I sent her. Here it is:

“Ok, I’ve been uncertain of how to address this, but I’ve been feeling this way for weeks so I hope you’re prepared for some word vomit. I’m sure you’ve been waiting for something of this nature for a while now, haha. 
We haven’t been talking to each other since you and K started dating. I knew you would be really exited about him so I consciously slowed my texting to give you more time with him, since I knew you’d only be thinking about him anyway. I knew in the end our friendship would be not anywhere near what it was, I just expected it to happen gradually, over the course of months/years, not almost over night like it did. Because in the end you’ll be married with kids, and we won’t be as close as we were last year, and I fully realize that. That said, I later began to assume that eventually the novelty of K would wear off and we would get back to being good friends again, even if not so good as before. But it didn’t. I even brought it up once, and said that we had drifted apart, over a month ago now I’m sure. I don’t think anything has really changed though.
I know you’ve noticed the distance between us, but I think with K and a full time job to distract you it hasn’t affected you like it’s effected me. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend. I hope you realize that I’m not mad at you or K in anyway, I’m just sad that our friendship has fallen apart (in my perspective anyway) as much as it has. You’ve really only come to talk to me when you’ve had an issue with K these last 3 months. And I know you said you wouldn’t be ‘that girl who is constantly bringing her boyfriend along’ but I think we’ve hung out maybe 4 times without him, and that’s out of the dozen some odd times that we’ve seen each other at all. 
I should’ve addressed this sooner, but talking to you has become more and more difficult for me. I don’t feel like I know you anymore, and the stress of that and the reminder that we aren’t what we once were makes me hate that I even feel this way. You’re the closest friend I’ve ever had (and really the only one i’ve got) and I feel like I lost you as soon as I found you.

And to make matters even worse I started getting depressed again around December, and have been struggling with that alone for months. My social anxiety has sky rocketed and watching Supernatural has been my way of coping with everything. I didn’t want to bother you because you’ve been so happy and I didn’t want to spoil that. I feel crappy for even sending you this.
I love you. I miss you. I’m sorry. For everything.”

We then spent the next couple hours texting back and forth, when I stopped crying enough to text anyway. I was a complete train wreck last night. I haven’t cried that hard in years, if ever really. I’m not sure if I feel better or not. It was kind of nice just to be a mess, but waking up and finding that my views on things hadn’t changed didn’t much help.

M was really gracious about all of it, and apologized for everything and tried to pin this all on herself. I feel terrible for making her think that way. I don’t blame her at all for the distance that’s come up between us. She has a full time job that is at complete opposites with my schedule, and has K to talk to day and night instead of me. She found someone she loves and she doesn’t need or have time for me anymore, as far as I’m concerned. She swears thats not the case at all, but I… I’m far too doubtful.

Today was better for me. I came close to spontaneously bursting into tears for no reason, but I was ok for the most part I think. Watching my garden is always calming.

It was so hot today. 82 was the predicted high, and tomorrow it will be 85. Its been warmer than usual the last few days, and should be well up in the 70s all week, with no chance of rain at all. This is July weather.

In other, completely unrelated news, I’ve decided to go to Spain at the end of August. My neighbor, J, has a nannying job that she’ll be doing over there, and invited me to go along. I was hesitant for a while, but my mom sort of pressured me into it I guess. And I really shouldn’t be going, given that my mom is potentially going to loose her job before the year is out. Its so draining to be your own parent all the time though, especially when the person who is actually your parent is the one encouraging you to make a foolish decision. Ugh. But whatever. I’m thinking that I may fly into London and spend a day or two there before taking the train over into France and making my way to Barcelona eventually. I may go see Italy for a day while I’m there too. I haven’t decided how long I’m going for just yet. Its gonna be at least two weeks.

Alright, I’ve rambled on enough. I just wanted to update you all on my life. In short, I’m suicidal, my best friend is wonderful, and I’m going to Barcelona at the end of summer. 

My mom and I got into a huge fight a couple days ago, and I don’t think I’ve ever been in a fight of this scale with her before. My sister has, for weeks, been neglecting her chores, and finally we started talking about it. My sister’s only chore in the house has been to do the dishes, while I do the gardening, the dog poop scooping, the vacuuming, dusting, moping, and taking out of recycling, garbage and compost. Seems fair, right? But because my sister is never home, she feels that she shouldn’t be responsible for the dishes because very few of them are ever hers. A perfectly valid argument, but when its ones only chore, I have a hard time being sympathetic. My mom tried to talk to her about it, while I was there, and my sister was on her phone and watching TV throughout the conversation. It was incredibly rude as far as I’m concerned, and I don’t know why my mom tolerated it. I think I said maybe 4 or 5 words throughout the whole ordeal, since it wasn’t my place to say much of anything, and only spoke up when I felt it necessary. Eventually my sister got so frustrated by not being able to get out of her chores she was close to just walking out of the house (she had the door open and everything). I don’t remember what my mom said to make her stay, but she did, and my sister eventually just decided that she would be doing her own dishes and her own laundry and would sweep the house occasionally and that would be that. My mom completely rolled over and gave her a hug and a kiss and $20 to go have fun with friends. I was in complete disbelief at the whole situation.

I went back into the kitchen to finish making my dinner (this whole thing started because everything I needed to make dinner for myself was dirty and I wanted to know what officially was going to happen with the dishes), and my mom immediately turned on me to tell me that I needed to watch my attitude. I didn’t even let her finish her sentence because I was beyond furious that she was berating me after my sisters display. Especially since I had spoken maybe twice, and had eeeeevery right to be mad about my sisters lack of help around the house. She had tried to use the excuse that she was too busy and too tired during the week to do any amount of chores (this is while she’s waiting for a friend to come and pick her up mind). I told my mom: “you don’t get to try and parent me after not parenting her.” She was instantly mad and said: “you don’t get to tell me how to be a fucking parent.” It only escalated from there, and much of what was said I cannot remember in detail. I basically told her that her current “parenting” technique wasn’t working, and that she had just rewarded my sister for walking all over her. I told her that there hadn’t been any form of reprimand or consequences in our house for years, and that it was entirely unacceptable how my sister had been behaving.

She asked me angrily what specifically she should do, especially in regards to me, since I was the one asking for punishment. She brought up the fact that I had tried to buy a dyson vacuum (something I’ve wanted for years) against her wishes but had been unable to do so because of insufficient funds (she had borrowed money from me and hadn’t paid me back yet when I tried to buy it [which I didn’t realize]). I told her that she should’ve taken my debit card away, or withheld gas money. There should have been SOMETHING to teach me how to better manage my money, which she has genuinely never sat me down to do. Ever. She basically admitted to not parenting us at all, and that she had not given us chores or anything of that nature when we were younger so we could have happier childhoods. I asked what that had taught us, and she asked me what chores I specifically wanted to do around the house. I said that I was happy doing all of the things I already did, but that because my sister lived with us she needed to have some form of chores as well. And I brought up that it had taken me years to figure out that I wanted a clean house (which I really only discovered because I was tired of living in a filthy home, but I didn’t say that).

She was furious with me for speaking my mind. Oh! Several weekends ago my sister wanted to go on a camping trip with some friends. She got in a big fight with my mom about money and how she didn’t have access to her savings account. After having a large fight, my mom gave her a large chunk of money and bought her a 5th of whiskey to take on her camping trip. Keep in mind that my sister is 17, and that my mom only just finished a custody battle. I brought that up during our fight, and she said that my sister had brought that bottle back more than half full, so it wasn’t that big of a deal, and that I was one to talk because I drink wine whenever I’m with my neighbors. I said that I felt that was different because I was with family friends and that I wasn’t drinking to get drunk, nor was I drinking hard alcohol. And I said that I only started drinking because I had been pressured into it by her, which is genuinely true. She pressured me for years to drink wine with her and the neighbors, and when I went to J’s house immediately after this fight to talk about it, she agreed and remembered witnessing it. My mom, naturally, felt differently. She said that she had never done that and that if I felt that way it was entirely my fault. She swore at me several times throughout the fight, though she never directly insulted me. I find swearing to be unnecessary, and especially in those circumstances, when the goal of arguing is to get the other person to understand your perspective. I’m sure I could’ve been more articulate, but I feel like for the most part I did ok.

We went to the movies together the day after that (yesterday), because we had originally planned to go the day of the fight. She asked if I hated her, like she always does after we have any sort of disagreement, to which I always reply no. I asked her the same question, and she told me that she was proud of me. I struggled to keep from laughing. I’ve lost all respect for her I’ve realized. She consistently rewards appalling behavior, and takes no responsibility for anything. When your child is telling you there aren’t enough rules in the house, and that they think they should be punished for their own bad behavior, and you laugh in their face and tell them that everything is fine, something is extremely wrong. She joked about some of the points I made during the argument, and said that if she really was a bad parent she wouldn’t have stood up to me. I just see it as being thick headed and stubborn. I’m sad more than anything. This ordeal made me realize that I’ve truly outgrown my mother, and that I actually have been more mature than her for some time. She has no control over this house or her children, and often puts down the one who sees whats wrong and is willing to speak up about it (me) instead of the child who is misbehaving, doing poorly in school, and is drinking irresponsibly and doing drugs.

Being Noticed

I spent most of my day doing nothing. I got the majority of the house vacuumed, and did a water change for my fish tank. I had plans to have dinner with my neighbor, J, at six, but got there a little later than I was supposed to. When I arrived she had other guests over, and eventually we got on the topic of eco0friendly structures. It was a family of three, a mother and father and their daughter, who was especially shy with me. Children are almost always shy around me, so I take very little notice anymore. Except maybe to make a funny face at them suddenly when they think I’m not looking. As they were leaving the little girls mother wanted to clarify that her little girl, and when I say little I mean 5ish, had recently begun to notice boys. Especially handsome boys, which is why she was so shy around me. I was very surprised to hear this, because I don’t find myself appealing at all, and found it odd that both of these people found me attractive. The mom then asked her daughter: “he looks like Flynn Rider [from Disney’s Tangled], huh?”, to which the little girl replied yes, and then further buried her face into her mothers coat.

I was more surprised by this than the first comment about my looks, as I find Flynn Rider to be rather dashing, and found it bizarre that this woman was making the same connection as her daughter. I found it hugely flattering, quite honestly. Of course, I don’t see where they get the idea at all, but after bringing it up with my neighbor (and showing her a picture of Flynn, as she didn’t know who he was), she said that I was more handsome than he was. Older women are the only ones to ever notice or compliment my looks, so I haven’t really ever taken compliments like that seriously, but for some reason the fact that this little girl had agreed with the idea made it seem much more true. Because children never lie, haha. No, but children are extremely honest in their opinions, and they have a way of getting to the truth of things quite quickly. I don’t know… for whatever reason, this silly little compliment has made me feel… nice. I feel as though I’ve been noticed I guess.

After having dinner with my neighbor, we decided to go see The Perks of Being a Wallflower, which I went to the night before with M and her boyfriend. Needless to say, its a wonderful movie. I loved all the acting, the characters, the actors… it was extremely well done I think. I’m definitely going to have to read the book.

J and I went straight back to her house after the movie, where her roommate had just gotten home from a friends house. We spent a bit of time talking about what I’d look like with a bit of hair on my chin like Flynn Rider has. I’ve gone a few days without shaving before, and then shaved so that I can see what it would look like if I actually had that little bit of scruff there, and its probably the only way I’d wear facial hair at the moment. I’d have to get a haircut first of course, but if I was going to have any kind of facial hair, thats what I would have I think. Especially since I would be able to fiddle with it and look even more reflective than I currently do, haha. Ah well, we’ll save that for another day I suppose. Now that I’ve brought it up though, both J’s are pushing me to actually grow a little beard like that so they can see what it looks like and decide if that’s really what I should do. I’ll have to wait until the weekend to show them I think, cause I’m not interested in walking around campus with a darkening patch of fur on my face. The other trouble is, I don’t have a fancy shaving kit, so maintenance would be rather difficult.

I’ll let you go now, as I’m going hiking with J (the roommate, not the neighbor) tomorrow at 10:30, and it’s 2:33 am currently. Time for sleep I think. Oh, but a cup of tea sounds lovely…

I’ve been contemplating moving out for sometime now. I’ve begun to hate it here. My mother takes me for granted and doesn’t praise me for anything, or let me accept praise from other. I’ve been working over at my aunts for several weeks now, and both of my aunts have told my mother how good my work ethic is and how impressed they are with what I’ve gotten done. My mother just doesn’t seem to care. I’ve been told on multiple occasions how mature I am for my age and how well mannered and composed I am, but my mother brushes it off and usually makes some comment about how ‘not that good’ I am. It completely undermines everything I do, and I’m sick of it.

To top it all off, my neighbors have taken it upon themselves to lecture me about talking with my sister. I was sitting out on their back patio with them a few days ago, and my sister (who has been here for a week and will stay another week) came out to say hello to them. They said hello and them immediately turned to me and both told me to say hello, yammering on about how I need to be nice to her. She asked them how they were, but they were so busy preaching to me that they didn’t hear her, and she ended up going back in the house. I pointed this out to them and they had to shout over to the house to get her to come over and talk with them. I am constantly told that I’m wrong and don’t work that hard, by both them and my mother, and its infuriating.

Today I came home from an outing with my best friend, M, and my mom told me she had come up with over $7000 worth of expenses my dad hasn’t covered in the last 8 years, and that she still had a lot more stuff to go through. I mentioned that our favorite nursery was having a clearance sale and that the fruit trees we’ve been talking about were 40% off. I was immediately told that we can’t even afford groceries right now and there’s no way we could afford that and spending money on anything isn’t possible right now. I was then berated for not having helped move boxes of books around, which I had been asked to help with during the middle of a test for my online math class. That said, right after my mother asked me for help and I told her no, she went and took a nap and hadn’t done anything else productive for the rest of the day.

I was also in trouble for several things after that, including my tone, and then I left to watch When Harry Met Sally, which I’d never seen before, with M. I came home after the movie to find that my mother and sister had bought a movie OnDemand. OH! AND earlier today my sister came home “starving” and HAD to cook herself something or she was going to faint. So, despite it being 90 degrees out, she turned on the stove and made herself an expensive fish lunch. She sat down, took three bites, and claimed to be so full she was going to throw up. My mother let her throw the entire meal away. I want to buy fruit trees to provide shade to cut watering costs and food expenses, but I’m berated and told how bad of a kid I am for not doing what I’m asked. My sister makes herself a full meal and is allowed to throw it away, and can buy whatever she wants. If someone can tell me that I’m wrong for feeling neglected, and make me believe it, I’d looooove to hear your reasoning.

On top of always getting her way, she doesn’t get in trouble for hanging out with the pot heads, or smoking a carton of cigarettes, despite the fact that she’s only 16. My mom honestly makes it seem like she WANTS me to be a bad kid. Don’t listen to anyone, “don’t take the high ground, cause you’ll only get fucked” and break the law constantly. These are the morals my mother instills in me, and that is honestly a direct quote in the last sentence.
I hate it here. I’m not appreciated, or respected, or anything. I’m just constantly told how wrong I am and how I need to change. I’m literally in trouble for working too much. My mom told me I had to get a job to pay for my insurance and gas and everything, and now that I have one she’s mad that I’m not home keeping the house clean and the yard looking nice. She may work all day, but I work too and I’m going to school as well. She doesn’t do any more around the house than I do, but I’m the one who’s punished. It’s to the point where it’s not even healthy for me to live here anymore because I’m constantly angry at someone or wishing I was somewhere else. And I used to love being home. I’m not even safe here anymore though…

My Sister Moves Out

I didn’t want to say anything until it became completely official because my sister has said she wanted to move down to my dad’s before. But she really moved down there today. She packed up a good portion of her stuff and I drove her down to his house at noon. She and my mom met with her councilor on Friday and took her out of our high school. She’ll be enrolling in whatever high school she’s supposed to go to down at my dads tomorrow. She doesn’t want to start class until Tuesday though.

S was sad to see her go. She and my sister gave each other a hug, and S started crying which put my sister into tears. It was a dramatic farewell.

My friend H asked how I felt about her going and if I missed her, and it’s like, even though she’s been home more than she was last year, I didn’t spend every minute of my time with her. It’s not like there’s a big hole in my life, or that I’ll never see her again. She’s just moved down to my dad’s. I’ll see her often enough. And we never really talked anyway, so it’s not like I’m missing out on spending time with her anyway.

And everyone keeps asking what I think about her living with my dad. I’m not sure if people realize that she needs the drama he brings to her life. She can’t live without it. Every time she goes down she comes back and complains about every little thing he’s done that hurt her feelings or annoyed her. But she keeps going back, regardless of what he does. I find it stupid to be honest, but there it is. She’s been told countless times but a ton of people for years that moving down there wouldn’t be in her better interests, but she’s got to go down there and figure it out for herself.

So, that’s all I’ve got. My house now has one less person, and one less dog (she took Peluchi with her obviously). Its kinda nice only having three dogs again though. Even though Peluchi wasn’t that much to handle, four dogs is just too many.