Tag Archive: gay


School Sometime Soon?

I’ve decided to go back to college. I’m thinking I’ll go to Evergreen in the fall. I have nothing to do right now because I don’t qualify for any of the jobs that look interesting to me. Evergreen is a weird college, in that you don’t have to take specific classes to get your degree. You don’t even have to declare a major necessarily. If you want to declare a major, you take classes that relate to your field of study, and that’s kind of it. And its a pass-fail system. Either you pass the class and get all of the credits for it, or you fail and you get none.

Anyway, they have an environmental studies degree that looks interesting. And they would take half of the credits from my Associates in Arts and Sciences and apply it to my bachelors, so I could potentially have a bachelors in a year. Which would make job hunting a lot easier. I think its something like 98% of people with BAs have jobs in their chosen field. Part of the problem right now is that I don’t know exactly what I want to do. There hasn’t been a job listing that I’ve found that fully encompasses what I think I want. I like working outdoors. I could help restore areas of land that have been effected by construction by replanting trees. Or I could work in the water department for the city. As much as I hate people, I like knowing I’m helping others have access to resources. Water management isn’t really that exciting, but it would give me a sense of purpose I think.

For the most part I’ve just been sitting at home. We got rid of our leather couch on friday. We’ve had it for about 13 years. My cousin got a job in Oregon, working for some company or other to help build helicopters. I’m not quite sure of his title. I think the word “rotor” was in it. Anyway, he needed some furniture. He took the couch and an end table from our house, and a couch and a few other things from my aunts. The green couch that was in my room went downstairs to replace the leather one. Now that’s its being used we’ve realized how much it stinks. Its older than I am, and has seen more pets than I have. Its thread bare, and when we took the seat covers off to wash them we saw that the cushions themselves were badly stained (my mom thought it might be mold). We can’t afford to replace it, but I’m hoping we can just replace the cushions and wash the rest and that will be enough. We’ll also be making/buying a slip cover because we definitely need something washable with 4 dogs running around.

Oh and our housemate has given his one month notice. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned him at all. Potentially…? He’s my sisters best friend from elementary school? Moved in a couple of months ago? Anyway, he’s decided to move out and live with he and my sisters other friend. They’re getting an apartment together and they’re both gonna go to school. He was a decent housemate, but I won’t lie and say i’ll miss him. I don’t like having so many people in the house. It makes things too crowded, and we have so much stuff that it’s hard to move around comfortably. I can’t tell you how glad I am to have that couch out of my room. I have miles of empty floor space to walk around in. And I rearranged my bookshelves so it’s not as cluttered looking as it used to be.

I’m getting bored with being at home all the time. I don’t like people but I also hate feeling like i’m not contributing to society. I’m also really sick of being so antisocial. I just have such a hard time relating to others. And I never have any idea what to say to people. Learning to not be so closed off is really what I need to be working on. I’ve been trying really hard to make more small talk with people. Its something that I hate doing, but if I don’t then I’m just stuck in silence. And In all honesty I’m perfectly fine with that, but I know other people hate it so I feel like I should make more of an effort. Ugh, why is being human such a difficult thing. I feel like an alien sometimes. I’m down to just 3 friends again. With the third “friend” being a rotation of about 3 people. Jordan and I talk all the time, but she often gets on my nerves and I sometimes wonder why we’re friends. We have very little in common. Amber is someone I still talk to regularly, but its pretty much only about TV shows (sherlock, supernatural, doctor who) or movies. Melanie is a part of the ‘rotating third friend’. We exchange a couple of texts every few weeks and thats about it. Any time we try to hang out she ends up canceling on me. Jessica is the second ‘rotating third friend’. She’s back from Spain, and I talk to her even less than Melanie. She and my mom and I went to a vietnamese vegetarian Buddhist dinner several weeks ago, but that was the last I’ve heard from her. And then I have a second friend named Amber who lives in the next town over. She and I actually share a few ideals in common, but for whatever reason we don’t talk hardly at all. I’ll get together with her every couple months and that’s it. Oh and Sid, the guy I intern with. I haven’t seen him in months. I’ll send him a funny thing if I find it online occasionally, but we don’t really talk at all beyond that.

I just need to stop being… myself. I don’t even know what it is that drives people away anymore. I’m not very funny, I’m smart but in a way that puts people off, I disagree with a lot of the things that people do, and I have trouble finding people with similar interests. I have zero gay people in my life. Amber (the one who lives nearby) is bi, but like I said I never see her. I feel like the black sheep in every setting. Part of the reason that I want to go to evergreen is because its such an open minded school, and because its known for its environmental department. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to find someone interesting to hang out with down there. And it’s only a year, so I won’t be trapped at school forever.

I should get a job. I just need to go and do a meaningless thing until the fall in an effort to save up some money to help pay for tuition. Which is about $20,000 a year.

I need to go to bed. I’m getting a headache. 

Experiencing All Of My Classes

Today was much longer than yesterday, but I think it went better. Anthropology doesn’t look too interesting yet. That said, my teacher is a lesbian, and there’s another gay guy in the class, and a lesbian student. I kind of went into a gay overload and when I introduced myself to the class the interesting things I told them about myself were that I kept bees and that my best friend M and I are constantly described as Will and Grace. I think I shocked the class because no one was interested in the fact that I keep bees, which my Art Appreciation class found very interesting. Oh well. Hopefully things will be a little more interesting in that class now.

Math was a little more bearable, but I’m still having a horrible time focusing. I’m not sure how much of it is just me and how much of it is genuine distractions. It’s going to be a long quarter either way.

I had something else to tell you all, but I’ve forgotten it…

Anyway! I just wanted to check in and let you all know how day two had gone. The good news is that I get to sleep in tomorrow!

A Discussion And Painting

Last night was a bit of an… I don’t know. It was certainly something I don’t do all the time. I’m not sure if I’ve updated you all or not, but Shari’s has become my somewhat new hang out spot. M and I go at least once a week for milkshakes. Last night she and I went again to here from L, the manager (who M and I are friends with), about what the pedophile guy said about me after I left. Apparently he was really mad at L for bringing me over to sit in front of him because I was so “hot”. I’m really trying not to take it as a compliment that someone finds me attractive. If only he wasn’t twice my age, large, loud, and completely repulsive. *sigh *

Anyway, he talked about me for a while after I’d left, and even continued talking about me to a waitress outside of Shari’s. He’s suuuuper weird and creepy.

After that M randomly asked about when L came out (he’s gay), so we listened to his whole story. And then once he was done L turned to me and said, ‘what about you’. So I told them. I think I shocked M a little bit, because I hadn’t been ‘out’ with her before that. I started by turning to look at her and asking “when did twilight come out”. It was so completely random they were both like, whaaa? Anyway, L and I had this big long conversation about our parents and how they reacted and bullies in high school and when we knew we were different and all that stuff. I just find it funny because he’s probably right around the same age as the creeper guy, and he sat with us for over an hour to have a heart to heart. Just so we’re clear, he’s deeeeffintatly not trying to pick me up. He was just having an in depth conversation is all.

After that I went home with M. And my house has been driving me nuts lately, so I spent the night there. Do you know how many years it’s been since I had a real sleep over? It’s got to be at least 4. It was… a sleep over I guess. We sat and watched the Friends marathon on nick at night. And then since we both woke up at 8:30 we watched a couple hours of Will and Grace. I loooove Will and Grace. ‘S my favorite.

Today was spent painting (we went with a grey purple) with my mom and aunts. We had pizza for dinner which I was responsible for getting. My memory is really starting to make me mad. I went to Papa John’s for pizzas, came home, found out two wasn’t enough, and head back. But knowing me, do you think I can remember how to get to a place I drive past all the time and have known about for years? No. It took me 15 minutes of driving around before I could remember where it was. I was SO frustrated. What’s worse is that I kept dropping and spilling things when I got home.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Hopefully I’ll be posting about honey soon! Until next time.

A Fishy Personal Day

Today was mostly a self-indulgence day. I know I work really hard during the week and never do anything selfish (that was all sarcastic) but everyone needs some “me” time every once in a while, right? R and I made plans earlier in the week to go out to a mall today, so she came and got me at 1:30. I watched The Office and ate cereal until she got here. Then we went to the mall and got starbucks, and walked around for two hours. I went into a Dolce and Gabbana outlet, a Prada outlet, as well as a Victoria secret today. I was really proud of myself. I’m not longer such a disgrace to gays everywhere, having entered establishments of such high fashion. It was kind of funny really. I told R “If I had a vagina I would have NO money. I would buy every fashionable thing. Purses and jackets and jeans and shoes would fill entire rooms of my house.” We promptly left the Dolce and Gabbana outlet, lol.

We mostly did a lot of window shopping, which was fun, but for whatever reason we decided to go to petsmart, which was not the best decision. I’ve been wanting a bigger tank for a while now, just because a half gallon is way too small for a pair of 3 inch goldfish. I’ve also really wanted a beta fish for a while, so when we saw the stand full of beta’s we had to stop and look. My older/favorite cousin A’s friend N works at petsmart, so she pretty much stood and talked with us the entire time we were there. R found two fish that were yellow that she liked, but who weren’t too interested in her. I looked at several fish, but found one that kind of stood out to me. I verbally asked it if it wanted to come home, and it turned away from me, so I put it back. I picked up a few more and found one that I liked, and asked this one as well. He got really excited and kept looking at me, which was an obvious yes, so I had to buy him. Plus, before I even asked him he was miraculously given the name Roy, due to an odd series of misinterpreted words between R and me. And he was only $2 because they were having a sale. So, basically I was leaving with him no matter what.

I only had $28 dollars in my pocket, but I really wanted to look at the tanks because my goldfish really needed a larger one. Those were all on sale too, and N helped me find the perfect one. After about 15 minutes of debating whether I should even get one, she found me a 10 gallon tank that came with a filter and a lid with lights for only $25. I had to get it. Of course, going from half a gallon to 10 gallons is a big difference, and considering my mom has been against me getting a larger tank for a while, I was really on the fence about it. I stood at the cash register debating whether I should get it with R and N for about 20 minutes before I finally just said screw it and bought it. Due to tax I was $3 short, but R covered me. The sales saved me $17 dollars exactly. She then drove me home and she and my mom and I talked for about half an hour before she went home. We’re thinking about going to some public gardens tomorrow, but I don’t know where or what kind. We’ll see.

R and I also decided that we would go to the U-district in Seattle on my birthday for lunch and to check out the greenhouses. She screamed when she had the idea she was so excited. My friends are weird…

Here’s a picture of my fishies.

 

The goldfish with the long tails name (the male/on the left) is Jacques. I haven’t really named the female (shorter tail/ on the right) yet, I don’t think, but the two of them are definitely a couple. I wouldn’t know what to do if one of them died. I call them my Yin and Yang fish. They will swim in circles around each other sometimes, and never stray farther than a few inches from one another. The female is usually towing after the male, who will swim in front of her and hide her from view occasionally. It was kind of funny/ odd, but I put them in there and they were both really active, and then all of the sudden the female freaked out and started jetting all over the place like a crazy women. She stopped as suddenly as she started and then both fish just pulled in all their fins and dropped to the bottom of the tank. The filter causes the water to move around in a slow circle, so when the both hit the bottom they slowly began to spin. It kind of made me laugh. But it also freaked me out because I didn’t wait for the chlorine to leave the water before I put them in there, so I was worried that they’d gotten a large amount of it built up somewhere in their body or something. I’ve put them in tap water before without such dramatic results before though, so I think it might be just the large amount of space. They barely had room to turn around before, which explains them dropping like stones randomly.

You can’t hardly see Roy on the far left but he’s there in the blue water. He’s an average sized beta with a deep blue color and fins that change from blue to red depending on how he moves them. I feel like he’s the exact way you’d think a beta should look. He’s pretty active, but I think that’s mostly to do with the fact that there’s two large gold fish right next to him. Whenever he’s not moving though he’s just lying there watching me. Kind of interesting.

You know the world is going crazy when I (put as much emphasis on that as you can) am the subject of peoples dreams, am considered “cool”, can get anyone I want/ “the cream of the crop” and am a “heartbreaker”. Yes. This is the insanity that is my day.

In Math we’ve started our final project for the quarter, which is a group project that involves working with 3 other people to find the height of some object using trig. Thankfully our groups are just the people we sit by, otherwise I’d’ve been screwed. But anyway, I went to college and then came back (I caught an early bus and got to sit at starbucks and wait for half an hour which was awesome) to my high school at the end of the day to do this stupid project. My group and I ran all over the school looking for the object we were supposed to solve for and couldn’t find it until our math teacher drives by on his way out and asks what we’re doing. He points us in the right direction, and we get to work. It was really simple and quick once we knew what we were supposed to be doing (although, I still haven’t tried to solve the problem) and we were done gathering data quickly. My friend C (not C from sophomore year, but a different C) randomly asks who I like and why I haven’t found anybody because I could get anyone I wanted, “like the cream of the crop you know”. I was just like, wtf, where did this come from? That was my last experience of the day.

My first experience happened during lunch at the college. I was sitting with A and- jesus I can never remember his name. He and another guy have the same name in my pottery class! UGH. Whatever, I’m going to call him G even though I know that’s not his name. I was sitting with A, G and some other guy whose name I’ve only heard once. Well, A is a little bit new to the whole, gay friend thing, and loves mentioning that I’m gay as much as possible. Every other joke that could possibly relate (but not really) to being gay she smiled and looked at me and said it was because I was “shway” like my being gay was some big secret. Like, wtf. If these two guys didn’t know I was gay before A’s hints and clues, then they’re the dumbest guys I’ve ever met. Then she asked if she could tell them, because it was clearly killing her that she thought she knew something that they didn’t, and so when I told them she went about it in this long akward way that was like, OMG this girl is a spaz. She was like, Willow doesn’t really like me (she was standing up at the time, and pointed at her lower regions), and then danced around the subject.

I don’t even remember what I said, but all I could think was, this girl is taking too damn long for such a simple thing that doesn’t even matter to anybody but her. So I just made it clear what she was trying to say, but she continued anyway, which prompted the guy whose name I heard once to tell her how awkward she was being and asked for a change of subjects. I just said, A is in love with me and dreams about me naked. She’s also obsessed with gay sex. Her eye’s about popped out of her head and her mouth dropped to the floor. Then she started laughing hysterically (because everything I said is, in fact, true) which made the OnceNamedGuy start teasing her and made things less tense for him. I was fine. Neither of them seemed to care so I wasn’t going to. If I had been uncomfortable from the beginning it would’ve been a different matter.

After that A decided she needed to study and moved to another table and left me there to die with the guys. So, of course, all three of us start shouting at her to keep her from working, and because I’m the silliest of the three of us, and because A is easily distracted by silly things, I was silly. Which prompted G to say that he thought I was cool in Pottery but realized I was a freak. He’s really nice though and totally didn’t mean it offensively at all, and I wasn’t offended in the least. I was more shocked that he thought I was cool. I had to pause in what I was doing, I was like, Wait, you thought I was cool?! Apparently I was the cool, loud, funny kid in Pottery. But I let my freak flag fly too high and now the jig is up. Oh well. Also, A asked me to marry her when I complimented her ring.

After that was class, and then high school, and then home, which involved a nap and some knitting, vacuuming and some homework. I was texting H and told her about all of the above junk, and she said that I was a heart breaker. I couldn’t stop laughing. Oh how insane my life is. I went from being completely invisible a few months ago, to cool kid with sex appeal. Apparently short hair looks good on me.
Also, take a look at some pictures I took of the moon with my awesome camera tonight! I couldn’t believe how far it zoomed in.

At first this I thought this was as close as I could get, but theres this weird double zoom thing that alows you to zoom even further. Which results in this:

If I knew how to work the settings on the camera better this would’ve been a perfect picture. Alas, I do not. There was a rainbow-circle around the moon when I went out to look at it the first time, a long with a smaller red ring inside the rainbow but still not touching the moon. I can’t remember what that means exactly. It is something important though.

Yes, I Really Did See 111 Today

The first set of numbers I saw when I left my house today? The route number 111 on a bus. That bus stops just down the street from my house, but I’ve never seen it before today. And this was before I even remembered that it was 1/11/11. First passed by slowly and in a haze of confusion. Someone said they buy some mittens if I made them for her, so I’m going to make some pink ones after I finish with the purple ones that have now become my mothers. She decided she loved them and since I didn’t get her anything for Christmas I figured actually knitting her something after years of promising to do it was the least I could do. I finished the one I started yesterday and whipped most of the second one out today. I’m just making the hole for the thumb, so it shouldn’t take very long to finish. Anyway, second period was pretty uninteresting, but Ms M taught today so things went by much faster than they would’ve. I had a really hard time focusing though, so I’m proud of the two pages of notes I managed.

College was boring and easy. I just hope I can remember all the words we’re learning. I need to come home tomorrow and do some hardcore studying. Oh but before Botany was lunch! Ok, so I walk into the caf and couldn’t find E so I sat down and started eating by myself and reading my textbook, because I haven’t been doing that for the past few nights. I’m sitting there by myself when E’s friend M walks up and E comes running out of no where to hug her. E see’s me and realizes who I am so (after a prolonged bit of talking about why she needed to get her stuff and bring it over [and what her “stuff” was, because she honestly didn’t seem to know]) E and M sat down with me. E randomly asked me if I would date a girl (I don’t think she’s had many conversations with any gays because she asked a lot of questions that just seemed a little… like she’d never been properly told what being gay was, lol) and I told her no. Then she asked me when I knew, and I told her when I was like two or three, and then how my neighbor and I… got to know each other.

This got her on the topic of me being naked. Oh, did I mention that when she saw me she gave me a hug and her hand brushed against my face? She said my face was really soft and started petting it. Yeah… Anyway, she seemed stuck on me being naked, and since I knew her boyfriend would get really jealous, I took her iphone and got on her facebook and posted “can’t stop thinking about willow naked”. M and I could not stop laughing. In less than a minute she had four comments, two from her boyfriend (one about how he wasn’t happy about it, and the other about how he felt she should be thinking of him, since they’ve never done more than touch their lips together) and two from others. She saw that I’d touched her phone and once she saw what I’d done she deleted it. It was such a good status though! She’s trying to set me up with someone, but I don’t really know what I think about that. I feel like being setup with someone won’t be a serious thing. Like, the person I would be set up with wouldn’t ever be right for me because no one I see daily actually knows me. Did I mention E thinks I’m cute? She said it several times to me. I don’t know why people are so obsessed with me; “I can’t help it that I’m popular”.

Me, my mom, my sister, and my sisters friend went out to Mexican food tonight, and my sister got a Shirley temple. Guess what I can dooo! I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue! Eeiiik! I was so excited. Tonight was the first time I’ve ever managed to do it. After I knotted it my mom said, “If you do that in a bar, you will always have a date”. Oh the things my mother tells me.

Other than all that the only excitement today was the snow. We have about two inches right now, but it’s supposed to all melt by tomorrow morning because the snow will turn to rain. I REALLY don’t want school tomorrow. And I can’t imagine we’ll have it when the college closed down the campus at 4:30 (ten minutes before my pottery class got out) because of the massive “blizzard” that was expected. Yeah, two inches in a few hours is a good amount, but if it’s all going to melt, it’s not that big a deal.

Anyway, I didn’t get a nap today so I’m exhausted. Good night!

O.M.G. It’s 11:11. I have seen both 11:11’s today. WTF.

Also, J (my neighbor) has decided she wants some gloves too. I’m thinking I’m going to sell them for $25 with the thumb, and $20 without. Meaning either with the thumb hole knitted up, or just a hole. I’m not sure yet exactly though.