I applied and interviewed for a really great job higher up in my company about 2 weeks ago, and I haven’t heard back yet. I talked to someone in customer service and they said it can take up to two weeks before you hear anything. I’m excited and nervous at the same time.

I watched The Giver last night with my mom and a friend. It was really thought provoking and made me remember how much I’ve numbed myself to everything. The story centers around a boy in a “community” in which everyone has been raised to be exactly the same, and the government is always watching to make sure you follow the rules. It sounded very 1984 to me, but the movie did a really good job of conveying everything. I didn’t know we owned the book, but I’ve started reading it because I liked the concept so much. Everyone gets an assigned job to do in the community, and the main characters job is to be the Receiver of memory. He holds the entire civilizations memory in his mind so the rest of the community can live without fear or war or jealousy or any kind of emotion at all. The book is interesting so far but the movie starts out in black and white because they don’t even have color in this society. Meaning, they completely got rid of all the words for colors so that no one can have a preference/desire difference. It was such an interesting way to look at things, and they even showed the main character learning colors in the order they appear historically. Red is always the first color and society develops a word for, and blue is always last. As far as primary colors are concerned, of course.

But this black and white thing, this sameness, felt really similar to how I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve built my life so it’s mundane and safe. I go to work and come home and that’s it. I’d convinced myself it wasn’t safe to go out anywhere, and it’s become increasingly easier to do with the mass shootings we have on a daily basis. I’ve almost completely stopped reading and I haven’t learned a new word in ages. I kept my world very small, and let it get smaller and smaller every day because that was easiest. I don’t have conflicts, but I don’t have any romances or affection or anything interesting at all either. My conversations are always work related, they’re infrequent, and they’re always with coworkers. The number of friends I speak to on a daily basis has dwindled to 1. And I don’t even always talk to her!

Last night I even had a dream I was sleeping next to one of my best friends, and she put her arm around me. That was it. That was the entire dream. I “woke up” and she put her arm around me and I went back to sleep. Two nights ago I had a dream I had three dragons at my command and I single handedly fought through a bandit camp to rescue them!

My goal for the rest of the summer to get out of the house and GO somewhere at least 3 times a week. I’ll go to parks or on walks or on hikes, and I’ll bring my two littlest dogs so I don’t feel guilty about leaving them home, but I WILL get out and experience things. I’d also like to start reading again, but we’ll see how that goes.

for now, I have to shower and get read to start my day. I went on an hour and a half walk playing Pokemon Go this morning. It sounds nerdy but it’s honestly the best game I’ve ever played. You have to physically go places to get things/catch Pokemon, and so many other people play it you’re always surrounded by friendly people. I’ve been playing it since it came out on the 6th and it’s been so much fun. My friend and I spent all day at the park playing yesterday.

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