Part of going away to school means that I now have to find somewhere else to live. I opted out of life on campus because I really don’t like the idea of living with 4 other people who I know nothing about, and who, more than likely, are several years behind me maturity wise. I sent out a couple of emails to listings I found on craigslist last night. For my non-american readers, its a website where you can list anything and everything you have for sale/are looking to buy. I heard back from one of them today, and he asked if he could give me a call. He had a hyper masculine deep voice, and sounded really slow. The first thing he told me was that he was “recovering from carbon monoxide poisoning from the night before” and that he hadn’t eaten all day so he was a little loopy. This pretty much told me right away that I wasn’t going to be living here. He proceeded to cook himself a meal made from potatoes that were growing in his garden while he asked me a few questions, and we spent a good 10 minutes talking about beekeeping. The main reason I responded to his ad was because he talked about gardening as one of his main interests, and even reducing rent each month if I was willing to do consistent yard work, which I absolutely am. He also wanted to get bees and had even built his own top bar hive, so naturally I talked to him about that.

After I finished giving him all sorts of tips about beekeeping (though he barely understood the difference between his top bar system and a traditional vertical hive setup) he wanted to ask me “a personal question”. He wanted to know if I was gay, since I do have a pretty feminine voice most of the time, and when I told him I was he confessed to being uncomfortable with the idea of me living with him. The way he talked about it you’d think I was lying next to him trying to coherence him into having sex with me. I politely sat through his very ignorant speech about how uncomfortable he thought living with me would be, and said I completely understood that living with someone who made you uncomfortable wouldn’t be pleasant (I was talking about how I felt about living with him, but he was too stupid to know that) and that I would just keep looking for a place to live. I thanked him for getting back to me quickly and wished him well with his beekeeping endeavors.

Honestly, during the conversation I was completely calm about everything. But things like that always drain the energy right out of me and really shake my self confidence. I’ve been doing really well these last few months. I’ve only had a few pockets of depression here and there, and I’ve come to really enjoy working at Starbucks. I’m just as good as anyone else who works there now, and because the person who used to train people moved to a different store, I might be the one to train new hires. Which I kind of find exciting. I’m looking forward to going back to school to earn my BA, but finding a place to live just sounds so daunting. And I’m gonna miss my dogs terribly. I really want to bring one of them down but I’m not sure if it’s going to be an option.

I often forget that people aren’t as nice as they seem when you’re handing them a cup of coffee. I wish I could just live alone somewhere. People are so exhausting.