I woke up this morning feeling a little worried about my math final. I had meant to get up early and study a little bit, but that didn’t really happen. When I did wake up, I found this wonderful message on my phone.


I haven’t spoken to him in… 9 months now? I don’t know why he felt the need to text me this. It really didn’t bother me at all, but I did ask my mom if she had any idea where this was coming from, which took up a bit of my morning. I ended up not having any time to study at home, but got to class a little early a reviewed my notes. I just checked my final grades online and I got a B for my Math class, so I think I did ok on the final!

Once I got out of class I checked my phone, and I had a message from my aunt H, who really isn’t all that affectionate to anyone ever even though she’s a total mom. She said “Hey. I hope you know you’re a good kid. There are people out there in the world who love and believe in you. Keep it going’!” Things like this don’t happen in my family at all, and certainly not to me or from her, so it really hit me kind of hard. I ended up crying in my car for a good 15 minutes before I could drive home, haha. I’ve been feeling really crumby again, in kind of a new way, in that I’m not completely suicidal, but I still think about suicide often and really hate myself. I’m a little bit more upbeat now or something though…?? I don’t know how to explain it. Anyway, it meant a lot to get that message from my aunt. Its something I don’t feel like I’ve ever really gotten to experience before; having family members make an effort to reach out and help you, even if its something as simple as a text like this. I don’t really have anyone in my family I can talk to about things because we’re all so different. And I’m the most different from everyone haha, so relating isn’t always easy.

As for my dad’s text, I’m more upset by the fact that this genuinely made me laugh and didn’t make me upset at all. Like, this is a really hurtful text and instead of being offended by it I think it’s funny. That’s how messed up my life has been, because of him even, that this vicious attack towards me did nothing more than tickle me. I walked around my house for a while just kind of laughing to myself because I thought this text was so ridiculous. I wasn’t sad at all, and that made me sad, until my aunt said anything to me, lol. And even then, I was crying because she had been nice to me, not because my dad had been horrible.

Anyway, school’s done and once Monday roles around I can have a day to myself to just sit and think. My Botany final was on Wednesday. It was beyond ridiculous. We had to spend three hours in a lab looking at samples of  100 plants in test tubes and beakers. We had to list the Family, Genus, Species, and Common name for each, for a total of 400 points. It was a bit intense, haha. My brain was fried for the rest of the day. Thankfully my internship that day consisted of a walk through Issaquah and hearing about the history of the town. I love its location, but from what I heard about its start-up and the population stats I looked at online, it sounds a bit close-minded to me. Which is a shame, because I love my internship and Issaquah is probably my favorite city in Washington. It’s so pretty, and is surrounded by lush evergreen hills that form a valley which ends with a view of Mt Rainier.

Let’s see… oh! My mom had friends over for dinner on Saturday. They got drunk and relived the glory days of their drug filled youths. It was rather dull. Somehow they got on the discussion of rabies though, and I quoted a fact about how squirrels (for the most part) don’t actually get rabies themselves, they just carry it. At this point my mother proceeded to say I was autistic, and she wasn’t drunk at all. It was great fun. I went to bed at midnight because I had been interning from 8-4 that day. I spent most of it talking about beekeeping. I bring in a couple of empty hive boxes and my suit and tools, and set up a little table and talk about bees to whoever seems interested. I also bring the package the bees came in this year, and pieces of wax with eggs in them and a couple queen cells from last years hive. One woman came back especially to hear about my bees, since her husband sprays everything in their yard and she’s trying to teach her kids why that’s bad. I told her to bring him to the garden, which she didn’t sound too confident about, lol. After interning I went with the rest of the garden “staff” to a hindu (????) temple where we had installed a ‘food digester’. This time we got to go in and have some fresh rice pudding, and go upstairs to the… worship hall? Alter? I don’t know anything about religion. It was the prayer room and had 7 statues of the deities of the temple, as well as a guru who brought their specific beliefs over from India in the 60’s. It was really elaborate a beautiful. And very calming.

Who knows what I’ll do tomorrow. We’re supposed to spend most of the day handing out tote bags to promote Issaquah’s new ban on plastic bags. It should be fun!