Apparently that’s what’s been causing all this trouble for me, not cancer. I have a very enlarged vein on my left testicle and it stretches uncomfortably when I get too warm. So, per my doctor, I need new underwear that’s a much tighter fit, because I hang a little too low, lol. He recommended bikini briefs.

I went to the doctors office at 1:45, and made it in for the checkup at 2:05. They tested to make sure I wasn’t blind or deaf, and found that I had a fever. This saved me from close to half a dozen shots 🙂 . I was then instructed to strip down to nothing but my socks, and put on one of those unseemly hospital robes that are impossible to wear comfortably. Having done this, my doctor then came in and asked me what was going on, and I gave him a full account of my symptoms. I then had to lay down on a table and he examined me, though he needed a little help finding the bump I was talking about. He thought it was just a varicose vein and recommended an ultrasound. I asked him how a vein would be causing my feelings of nausea and general heaviness of my abdomen. He had forgotten that part and decided to rush me into an ultrasound, instead of waiting until next week. I dressed while he called the more elaborate hospital half an hour away to ask if they had time. They didn’t, but said they may be able to squeeze me in at the end of the day. By this time it was after 3, so I went to fill up my gas tank and then headed off to the hospital. I sat for maybe 10 minutes before being called in, and was asked to remove my pants and underwear. I then had to lay down and arrange several towels so that the technician would have an easier time of looking at things, without having to look at everything, and spent the next hour lying on my back with a plastic rod and some lubricant between my legs. I almost made that my facebook status, because it was so raunchy but still completely accurate of what was going on.

The technician checked all over the place and then had me do a crunch or two to see if blood flow increased, and had me hold things so she could get a good image of the lump. With that done, I was told to clean up and that she would be back with the results in a moment. 20 minutes later she came back and told me (it was a quarter passed 5 at this point) that my doctor had the results and would call me tomorrow to talk about them. Thankfully he called me on my drive home and explained that I just had a varicose vein that had gotten too large and was being pulled too tight. I was instructed to wear tighter underwear (I wear boxer-briefs currently) and take a pain pill when necessary. This vein will never go away, unless I have it surgically removed, so I’m stuck in tight underwear forever. I’m sure it will be verrrry attractive.

So, I don’t have cancer, I just have a very uncomfortable vein. My doctor will check back in a month to see if the tighter underwear is working, and if its not surgery could be a possibility. And as much as I would noooot like it, I’m still very uncomfortable. And I’m laying down.