With the imminent approach of increased child support for my sister, my mom is considering selling our house. Yes, our house costs almost half of my moms paycheck. Yes, it has some huge expenses to it, such as the failing furnace, the dry-rot in the wall of the spare room, the rusted-through pipe that connects our house to the city; the list goes on. But it’s my HOME. It’s the only place I’ve really been finally able to settle into. I wasn’t old enough to be concerned when we moved out when my parents divorced and my sister and I were spread across two houses. I spent the majority of my life in a horrid mobile home, which was falling apart and constantly breaking down. We rented, so I couldn’t do anything to the yard or really set my roots down and make it a home for me. Then we moved again, and suddenly we had a real house that was all ours. I’ve been able to put my heart into the yard and have had almost complete control over how the yard should look, although my mom is still her backwards self who says she wants something done and then gets mad at me for doing it. She wanted a trellis for a vine, so I dug the hole and asked my neighbor for help building it and was immediately in trouble, only to be told at the end of the day that it was ok again. She wanted a green lawn? I’m in trouble for watering “too much” even though I’m watering responsibly; and as soon as she’d finished yelling at me for that she told me to water a different part of the garden. My mom is honestly the type of person where you just can’t listen to anything they say because the contradict it constantly.

Anyway. My mom’s stepdad just died recently, and he owned his house, as well as the house that his daughter (my mom’s half-sister) is currently living in. So my mom is thinking that we could move into my aunts current house when they move into her stepdads house. I’m ok with the idea I guess, because we would still be able to do pretty much whatever we wanted, but their house is extremely shabby and the yard is less than half the size of ours. It’s in north Seattle, and 20 minutes from the college I’ve decided I want to go to, so it’s close to a lot of stuff, but the neighborhood isn’t the best (not that ours is either). And it’s RIGHT on an extremely busy street, so there’s constant traffic noise. Also, its just a little two bedroom house. My bed would take up my entire room.

My mom’s other plan is to have my great aunt and uncle buy our house (they just had an extremely wealthy relative die and came into a lot of money) and then pay them a much lower mortgage payment.

huh, my life almost sounds somewhat fictional when talked about like this, doesn’t it?

I really just don’t want to move. And I’m tired of being the villain in this situation. My mom and I went out with my aunt and her son tonight for dinner, and my aunt asked if my sister had “finally come to her senses and realized she needed to move home”. My mom immediately jumped to my sister defense and said “oh, please don’t feed his rage” in reference to me. Which naturally made me mad. I was fine with my aunt asking that question. There was nothing wrong with it, it was genuine, there’s no reason to be upset or happy or anything by what she said. But then my mom has to go and make it this big thing that she asked a simple question about what my sister was doing with her life. And THEN my mom has the nerve to say “well, what would you do if you were her? She’s a 16 year old girl who’s dad bought her a car and gives her a hundred dollar bill whenever she asks for money, and she has virtually no parental supervision. That sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.” I’m sorry, but can someone PLEASE explain to me how its ok to brush my sisters behavior off as “she’s a self obsessed teenage girl” and comfort her in all her decisions, but label me as acting exactly like the complete villain of this tragedy. HOW is this ok? I don’t want this “self obsessed teenage girl” in my life because she is just that, self obsessed. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself and her decisions have never been beneficial to me. She’s trouble and drama and I don’t want any part of it. But I’M the bad guy here. My mom is honestly vehemently going after me in regards to my decision to cut my sister out of my life.

Maybe my mom is so angry at me because she’s said, in no uncertain terms, she would be doing the exact same thing my sister is doing if she was in her place, so by cutting my sister out my mom thinks I disapprove of her as well. Which is true, if my mom was acting like my sister I would take my dogs and leave. What my sister is doing is not healthy for me. I cannot in good conscious ‘play nice’ with her while she continues to be a selfish bitch. It’s just something I’m incapable of. So maybe my mom thinks I’ve somehow turned on her as well. huh. I really just came up with that. It doesn’t change the how I feel about my sister, but now I think I understand why my mom is angry with me. That said, I’m not sure why it is she pretends to not play favorites. She obviously relates to my sister much easier, and is more like my sister than like me. Ugh, I’m just sick of being the forgotten child. The one who can do nothing right, despite being a damn good person if I do say so myself, and the one who is actually punished for his actions, or reactions as the case may be. My sister could literally throw my mom under a bus and my mom would be fine. I would never even think about it, but then, I’m the bad kid.

*sigh* I’m tired of these rants. I’m tired of being tired of being tired. I’m sick of my family. I’m not appreciated and am ridiculed for anything and everything. I got in trouble for how I blinked when a woman from my moms work came over and complimented a planter of ours the other day. There are too many rules in this house, none of which are explained and all of which are constantly being contradicted by one another. There also aren’t enough rules in this house! My mom was annoyed with me a few days ago because I hadn’t finished my homework yet which means my mom couldn’t drink with me. Like, what kind of dysfunctional house it this when my mom is mad because I’ve got too much homework to illegally drink with her?! Ugh.

And now I shall be done with this post for the evening because I am tired and have to work at M’s house tomorrow and then do this weeks homework as its due wednesday. There’s almost a bit of nostalgia with this tiredness as I finish writing a post… How many years have I been posting my rants for you all now? At least 4 or 5. Has my writing improved any? NOPE! You poor unfortunate souls.

Goodnight all!

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