I’ve been contemplating moving out for sometime now. I’ve begun to hate it here. My mother takes me for granted and doesn’t praise me for anything, or let me accept praise from other. I’ve been working over at my aunts for several weeks now, and both of my aunts have told my mother how good my work ethic is and how impressed they are with what I’ve gotten done. My mother just doesn’t seem to care. I’ve been told on multiple occasions how mature I am for my age and how well mannered and composed I am, but my mother brushes it off and usually makes some comment about how ‘not that good’ I am. It completely undermines everything I do, and I’m sick of it.

To top it all off, my neighbors have taken it upon themselves to lecture me about talking with my sister. I was sitting out on their back patio with them a few days ago, and my sister (who has been here for a week and will stay another week) came out to say hello to them. They said hello and them immediately turned to me and both told me to say hello, yammering on about how I need to be nice to her. She asked them how they were, but they were so busy preaching to me that they didn’t hear her, and she ended up going back in the house. I pointed this out to them and they had to shout over to the house to get her to come over and talk with them. I am constantly told that I’m wrong and don’t work that hard, by both them and my mother, and its infuriating.

Today I came home from an outing with my best friend, M, and my mom told me she had come up with over $7000 worth of expenses my dad hasn’t covered in the last 8 years, and that she still had a lot more stuff to go through. I mentioned that our favorite nursery was having a clearance sale and that the fruit trees we’ve been talking about were 40% off. I was immediately told that we can’t even afford groceries right now and there’s no way we could afford that and spending money on anything isn’t possible right now. I was then berated for not having helped move boxes of books around, which I had been asked to help with during the middle of a test for my online math class. That said, right after my mother asked me for help and I told her no, she went and took a nap and hadn’t done anything else productive for the rest of the day.

I was also in trouble for several things after that, including my tone, and then I left to watch When Harry Met Sally, which I’d never seen before, with M. I came home after the movie to find that my mother and sister had bought a movie OnDemand. OH! AND earlier today my sister came home “starving” and HAD to cook herself something or she was going to faint. So, despite it being 90 degrees out, she turned on the stove and made herself an expensive fish lunch. She sat down, took three bites, and claimed to be so full she was going to throw up. My mother let her throw the entire meal away. I want to buy fruit trees to provide shade to cut watering costs and food expenses, but I’m berated and told how bad of a kid I am for not doing what I’m asked. My sister makes herself a full meal and is allowed to throw it away, and can buy whatever she wants. If someone can tell me that I’m wrong for feeling neglected, and make me believe it, I’d looooove to hear your reasoning.

On top of always getting her way, she doesn’t get in trouble for hanging out with the pot heads, or smoking a carton of cigarettes, despite the fact that she’s only 16. My mom honestly makes it seem like she WANTS me to be a bad kid. Don’t listen to anyone, “don’t take the high ground, cause you’ll only get fucked” and break the law constantly. These are the morals my mother instills in me, and that is honestly a direct quote in the last sentence.
I hate it here. I’m not appreciated, or respected, or anything. I’m just constantly told how wrong I am and how I need to change. I’m literally in trouble for working too much. My mom told me I had to get a job to pay for my insurance and gas and everything, and now that I have one she’s mad that I’m not home keeping the house clean and the yard looking nice. She may work all day, but I work too and I’m going to school as well. She doesn’t do any more around the house than I do, but I’m the one who’s punished. It’s to the point where it’s not even healthy for me to live here anymore because I’m constantly angry at someone or wishing I was somewhere else. And I used to love being home. I’m not even safe here anymore though…