My mom came home yesterday much later than usual and very agitated. She had just received paperwork, or news from her attorney or something similar, that my dad has told the courts that I am only taking 1 credit at college, instead of one class. My college literally doesn’t even offer 1 credit. He is telling the courts that I’m only taking 1 credit and as such I should be able to afford everything for myself and shouldn’t be counted as a dependent for my mother. Apparently, because I am a dependent, my mom won’t have to pay anywhere near so much child support as my dad wants her to. So, today I have to go to school and ask for my official transcript, which will show that I’ve never taken anything less than 5 credits in a quarter, and try and get all of the receipts for my books in previous years. This is so obnoxious.

My mom had a drink later in the evening, which improved her mood considerably. She started talking about my sister and admitted she was a “train wreck”, with no prompting from me. “That kid is a friggin’ train wreck. She’s only got one wheel on the track.” This made me feel slightly better about the way she’s been treating me in the last week. I’m a train wreck as well of course, I’m just not as huge a disaster as my sister is, and I do a better job of hiding it :). Except to say that it’s a well known secret in the family that my sister is a disaster, so I’m not sure why hearing it out loud made me feel better. But it did. I don’t even know WHY she’s such a wreck. Cause honestly, her life has been twice as easy as mine. Sure, she went through bullying, as I did, but her bullying stopped as kids grew up, whereas mine never will. She was also never hit as child, like I was, and she never suffered anywhere near the level of verbal abuse that I did. That said, I’m very aware that my life has been mountains easier than other peoples. And if I can handle this level of stress/insanity, why can’t she handle half of it? Its annoying and makes my life harder because she can’t.

As for my dad, there’s not much I can say for him. He’s an ass, plain and simple. It’s difficult for me to have any emotion toward him, simply because he is who he is and I’ll never speak to him again, so getting angry at him is a waste of my energy. It would be like being mad at the sky for being blue. I may not like it for being the blue that it is, but I’ll never be able to speak to it or change it, so feeling an emotion toward it is counter productive. I have my opinions about the sky, but I don’t know that I’d feel emotions toward it. I may feel emotions about it, but toward it is not productive. I could ask the sky not to rain, but it will always rain and no amount of anything will change that. That said, I like the sky quite a lot, so perhaps this wasn’t the best example, haha. But still, my dad is an ass and a thorn in my side and has been and will always be a complete jerk. There’s nothing I can do to change that. My sister is still young enough that she could change if she wanted to, which is one of the reasons I’m not speaking to her. If she realizes that what she’s doing is wrong then maybe she’ll change. Of course, she won’t, but there’s nothing I can do about that really. The other reason I’m not speaking to her is because she lives with and supports someone who acts the way he acts. It is beyond my comprehension how anyone could live with a man who behaves as my father does. I mean, do you have any morals at all?

OK, I’ve done that rant already. Anyway, I have to eat breakfast and then go get the paperwork my mom needs. It would be nice if the judge who’s deciding things also wasn’t a complete incompetent. *sigh*

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