After weeks without saying more than a few insubstantial words to my sister, and only when the occasion demanded it, she pestered me in full today. She came up last night, dropped off her dog, and then spent the night at a friend’s house. She came home about an hour ago and started asking me questions and trying to talk to me. I ignored her and continued reading my book, not even so much as tensing up while she talked. Eventually she asked if I had fed the dogs, which I ignored because she should know that after all these years our mother still feeds them before she goes to work at 7, like she’s done our entire lives. She continued pestering me until eventually I asked if she really thought I owed her a response. She said she didn’t think I owed her anything but agitatedly asked why I couldn’t have just answered and didn’t know where my attitude was coming from.
I told her that our mom had already fed them and then… I don’t remember how exactly we started fighting outright, but our argument began there. She started shouting about how one-sided I am and how I “don’t even give a shit”. I told her that I didn’t need to hear an explanation of anything, because her actions spoke for her, and also responded with a question, asking, “do you realize how your actions effect people? You’re hurting others when you come up here and bitch about how hard your life is, but its still better being down with them than with people who have actually been trying to help you your whole life. I find it ridiculous for you to just come up here and bitch constantly, because it’s not fun for anyone. Its not fun for mom to listen to how hard your life is down there and then watch you continue to stay down there.” I did later ask for an explanation, though she refused to give one at that point.
She made a comment about how she needed a brother right now, and that I wasn’t being one. I asked why I should, when she wasn’t acting like a sister. She asked how I had ever acted like a brother to her, (with which I replied with the example of my defending her from three adults three times my age at our neighbors house) and said “I’m not going to come up here and kiss your ass so you’ll like me again”. I told her, “Good, I don’t want you to. I don’t have any desire to see you because you continuously make bad decisions that affect more than just you.”
We switched gears somehow, but I forget the segue exactly. I think it was in the line of, you need to live by the rules of the person you decided to live with and stop playing the parents against each other by running back and forth asking for things from whoever will get it for you. She asked what she had done, and I listed the examples of her asking for an iphone and trying to get out of school early.
On the last day of school my dad wasn’t answering my sisters calls, so she called my mom to get her to call the school so she could leave early. I told her that is was an unnecessary stressor for my mom, though she didn’t understand why. “I didn’t even think- it wasn’t a big deal” she said. To which I replied, “no, that’s the problem, you don’t think about your actions or how they effect others, it was stress that mom doesn’t need, because she had to worry about what dad would do and its completely unnecessary. You moved down there to live with his rules, so you have to follow them; playing the parents against each other is absolutely ridiculous.” Oh, and as to her wanting a phone; she asked my dad for one, but he won’t get it for her on his phone plan. He’s “agreed” to pay for it as long as it goes on my moms phone bill and she buys the phone (using money he’ll send her), though my mom has asked to get something in writing to prove that he would and has yet to receive anything. She didn’t understand how that was a stress inducer for my mom, who would have to coordinate with my dad about that every month and worry about whether he would really be paying her.
My sister then went into how my dad would jump over backwards for me and that he loved me. I almost went into a giant rant about how untrue both of those things are, but after jumbling through half a dozen versions of “no” I said “whatever, that’s a different story”. She has really no idea of the pain he’s caused me throughout the years or of the severely hurtful things he’s said to me. Things that one does not forgive lightly, and certainly of which are not indicative of love.
At this point she stood up to leave and said, “I’m going to counseling to figure things out! You’ve told me multiple times that I’m fucked up in the head” (which I would like to point out, is not entirely true. I never used such harsh phrasing; it was more along the lines of ‘you need help cause you’re so weird’ and was always said in a joking manner in the middle of playful banter) “and I don’t want to live with anyone because it’s so shitty!” She then stormed out in tears.
Obviously, this is an incomplete retelling of the event, as my memory is rather bad and things said in the heat of the moment are hardly ever remembered with 100% accuracy, but for the most part we both remained relatively composed and, while we weren’t being nice to one another, I don’t know that either of us were spiteful. Except to say that she did repeat, “You don’t even give a shit” and added, “fuck you” on her way out the door.
I just wanted to get this all out before I had time to think it over in full and let my opinions/emotions change my recollection of events.