I’ve been feeling out of sorts lately. I’ve been grumpy, and I feel like I’ve been short with everyone. I’m pretty quiet most of the time, so I feel like that’s saved me from getting into too much trouble, because I’ve been getting more annoyed with people lately. I’m not sure why but it’s really getting annoying. And my moods have been flip-flopping back and forth in seconds. I’m not sure if this is just a normal guy thing, but I’m really not ok with it. Even the littlest things will put me in a terrible mood. My mom gave me CHOCOLATE one day; I was annoyed for several hours, with no real reason as to why.
I’ve been becoming less and less social as well. Today I was working on homework for several hours and it got dark. I had absolutely no motivation to turn on the lights. I sat in complete darkness for at least an hour working on my laptop. My lights have begun to bother me a little bit, and I use the oil lamp my aunt gave me after Christmas (because I told her I loved her collection) more and more because I prefer the low lighting. Which I suppose is really nothing to be concerned about, I just find it odd that I’m suddenly starting to like light less and less.
I had the flu last week. Naturally it was the day before the quarter started, and it forced me to stay home for 2 days, putting me 3 behind in all of my classes. I’m taking astronomy 100, philosophy 106 and sociology 101 this quarter. Philosophy 106 is a logic class, and it’s going to kill me. We’ve got a test on Wednesday, which I’m not sure I’m ready for and I’m not done with the weekly homework yet, which is due Tuesday. My sociology class is easy but boring. We have daily readings to do and take notes on, which is easy enough, its just time consuming. And Astronomy has been really fun so far. I’ve already learned several fairly useless bits of information, which is something I do greatly enjoy. My only trouble in that class is going to be studying. It’s rarely cloudless in Washington, and I haven’t yet taken the time to find a map of the night sky yet.
*sigh* I feel like I’m being extremely ungrateful and snobby for saying this, but I haven’t been happy with life for a while now. And there’s really no reason for it. I’ve got a wonderful house, an easy life, I get to go to school, and I can have three meals a day if I take the effort to make them. My sister’s friend S moved in with us over the winter break, because she and her psychotic mother have been at odds for years. S was constantly tormented with mind games from her mom, who once kicked her out of the car in the middle of nowhere with no coat and no phone, because she (the mom) wanted to go to a party. My mom had to struggle with S’s mom for a bit, but eventually she got her to give S to us. She’s ‘on probation’ for a month to see how she does here.
I know my mom meant well by letting S live here, but she was struggling to get by before we even had her. She’s constantly telling me how we can’t afford anything, but then throws another kid into the mix, even though she has to pay child support for my sister and still pays for her medical and phone. She’s going to get a second job because we’re struggling so much. I’ve been thinking about getting a job to cover the expense of my school books (and later my tuition). I’m just not sure I could handle college and a job. I think once I actually got a job and got into the swing of things it would be fine. That said, I can’t afford to fail another quarter, and this quarter is going to be my toughest yet.
Ok, I need to go do school stuff now. I’ll bitch to you all later sometime soon I think!