I miss my bees. I feel like I’ve lost a dear friend or someone close. Every so often the memory that they’re all gone will flash into my head and catch my breath in my throat. It’s depressing. My life dream, gone. I’ll have to wait a few more months before I can buy bees again. And it was a bad winter so many people are struggling. I’ve just got to sit and wait, which I’m not happy about. It could be another year before I get bees again, if I can’t find someone willing to sell me bees towards the end of the season.

The weather returned to crap today. I don’t understand how it can drop 10 degrees over night and be suddenly raining when it was so clear-skied the day before. That’s not true, I understand it, I just don’t like it.
I caught two more rats today. Blech. They manage to lick clean some of the traps, which is annoying. And the peanut butter has started to attract a hoard of sugar ants. I just want to bomb the whole area over there. My mom is reluctant to take things to the dump this weekend because removing the rats home will force them to look for a new place to live, i.e. our house. It’s a bad situation all the way around. *sigh* I’m not a city person. I need wide open fields as well as rivers that cut across them and tress that shade them and mountains in the distance with a gorge beside me. I need the wild. Even if there are rats and mice and things of that nature out there (which of course there are) I can at least get cats and know that they’ll hunt them because they’ll be wild as well. I want to live my life season by season, entirely at the mercy of whatever the winds may bring.

What job could afford such a life though? One that is simple and requires little math. I’m terrible at math. I can see patterns and answer correctly when put on the spot, but why or how I got the answer is something I can’t explain. I can’t do anything involving math. My brain will fry. I wouldn’t mind being a history buff, but those don’t get paid much. I’ve decided I can’t be a teacher. Teenagers annoy me too much and kids are too dependant. I can’t farm anything except flowers because there’s no money in food crops anymore. I think food crops shouldn’t be subsidized. It’s made everything too cheap and makes growing locally something that costs more than it earns. I watched a documentary (the future of food I think it was) that explained how money was divided up among the government and farmers from goods sold by farmers. I think farmers earned something like a nickel for every ear of corn they grew. Most have to have second, off-the-farm jobs to support farming. It’s ridiculous.

I did a bit of yard work yesterday. Not as much as I’d hoped obviously, but some. I can’t believe that we’ve managed to fill two yard waste bins for the last two weeks and have made no dent in the weeds in the yard. It’s insane. Dandelions are rampant, those little white flowering things are so out of control it’s something that won’t ever truly be contained, and we have more grass in the flower beds than we do in the lawn. Ugh. I hate lawns. I found an article online today that listed a species of zinnia as an alternative to grass and immediately sent the link to my mom who loves zinnia. It’s good for the bees and butterflies too!

I could be an ecology person, but I don’t know how much they make, the college requirements, or where to even apply for a job. I do love working out doors though. I’ve slowly become a bit more accustomed to working in the cold too, so I don’t know that I’d mind that. And it’d give me an excuse to wear flannel and wool socks all the time! Hmmm, I do like the idea of this. Perhaps I’ll spend some time looking online tomorrow. 🙂

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