I always have to remind myself of my age. I feel so old. And yet completely ignorant of the world. There’s so much to do in the world, but I’m not doing any of it because for some reason I’ve gotten it into my head that I’ve lived my life and am just waiting to die at this point. I know, I’m completely insane. I’ve been telling you all this since the beginning, but no one seems to believe me. I watched Slum dog Millionaire tonight at J’s with the rest of my family (while knitting a basket for Ms. M and while the basket and fingerless mittens [which I forgot to take a picture of now that I remember!!] were being felted in J’s washing machine) and it made me think. Firstly, that the world doesn’t make any sense at all and that the sooner I kidnap Amber and run away to live with the elves who bake cookies in Mr. Shuesters hair the better. Secondly, the boy in that movie was only 18 and- and- oh I don’t know. He just had gone through so much and seemed to be so much of a better person than anyone I know. I don’t even know what point I’m trying to make anymore. Jesus.

Let’s start with the beginning of my day shall we? Once upon a time, there was a boy- *side tracking distraction* earlier tonight my mom saw a face in the trees at my F and S’s house; not a real persons face or anything, just what looked like a face because of the way the light played over the trees. The dogs just went berserk because of something outside and the first place I looked in the backyard seemed to be another face, like that of a bear or something, and it had glinty eyes too! It was the yellow glass orb that’s hanging by the rockery, but it still freaked me out. Only two places on the orb glinted, and they were spaced perfectly for eyes, and both were perfectly round and glinted the way a dog or cat’s eye’s do at night. Have I mentioned that for the past few days I’ve been feeling like every time I turn out my lights to go to sleep there’s something ominous in my room? The first night I felt it I had nightmares, which I haven’t had in a looong time. The night after that I had a few bothersome dreams, though what they were I can’t remember, but they stopped when I moved to the other side of my bed. The night after that I turned on my fireplace before I went to sleep, my fireplace is a comfort to me, fyi, and although I felt a slight presence I didn’t have any bad dreams. I also did a bit of energy work to see if that would help, which I think it did.

Anyway, today we went out to my grandpas and had the family Christmas. I felt really awkward and out of place and ashamed for most of the evening. No one said anything negative to me ever, and I seriously doubt anyone was aware that what they were saying might offend anyone in the room, but it was still annoying. The guys of the family got to talking about sports (football was on) and competitive stuff and how all guys are competitive and that crap. The mom of my youngest cousins, who are both under 13, (aunt V) said that she wanted her boys to be competitive academically and not to play baseball (only baseball, any other sport would’ve been fine) and that she didn’t give them guns as kids. Both of her kids LOVE baseball and go hunting (one of them killed a duck the other day but didn’t eat it because it was apparently a bad duck) and are very competitive. My grandpa made a comment along the lines of “what did you expect them to do? Crochet?” I knit. I’m the only person I know my age who knits. I’m the only boy I know who knits period. It was just an annoying comment. And yes, I know I’m not competitive or masculine at all, but it was still like, yeah hello, there are people in the room who have a penis and can do those thigns.

And then later we were talking about family nicknames and how people remember whose who, and my mom asked how they remembered our names and my uncle (aunt V’s husband) said that’s simple and listed off three reindeer names. I was coincidentally called Prancer. There was a point in the evening when I would’ve loved nothing more than to curl myself up into a ball the size of a marble and roll myself out of the house, unseen by anyone. To top off the evening my grandpa got me a 110 piece tool kit. Everyone was like, Oh you’ll be surprised how much you use that, but when am I ever going to use it! I don’t do handyman stuff! I break everything I touch that isn’t living.

Random note about myself: I think I’ve come to the realization that I want to be like my aunts. One of my aunts is the perfect housewife. She cooks everything without any trouble, knits and sews things that should take several days practically overnight, and has a nice house with a good husband and two decent kids. My other aunt has a lovely house on an acre of land and also cooks brilliantly, has a garden the size of my yard, and collects antiques. I’m the weirdest person ever.

Anyway, towards the end of the night I managed to fall asleep for an hour and woke up just in time to leave with my uncle/ex-neighbor and his two kids and my sister. Once home my sister and I invited J, who just got home tonight, to play the dancing game on the wii with us. I have to say I’m pretty good. My favorite is Iko Iko. F called before J got there though and told me he had a vat of turkey noodle soup waiting for me. I got off the phone with him right as J walked in. I took our largest bowl over and he filled it with soup, and then I went downstairs to talk with S and S (her son). He was playing Assassins Creed 3 and she was on the computer. I chatted with them for a while and invited them both over to dance with us. I almost got S to come over too, but she decided against it last minute.

Then I went home and my mom came home and we all went to J’s to watch the movie. With a bit of time in between each activity of course. Alright, enough rambling. Tomorrow I’m going to my dads at 12:30 and won’t be home until Wednesday at the latest. I’m hoping Tuesday evening, but we’ll see how that goes. Night!

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