We had a major storm last night. The wind and rain were slamming into the front side of the house (aka my bay window) which woke me up at 1 am. Seconds after I woke up there was a flash of lightning and then maybe a minute later my mom comes up into my room to make sure my roof isn’t leaking. It was bizarre. I got out of bed and went downstairs to watch the lightning. It made the sky turn green, but bleached everything else white for a split second. There was thunder too, which is rare. I loooove storms like that. It would’ve been nice if we had more thunder. I like the kind of thunder that rattles the windows. And lightning that forks out across the sky. This was just a few short booms and the occasional flash of light. There’s been floods everywhere, landslides all over the place and trees falling on houses. One house had three trees fall on it. Thankfully we have no major trees by us and we don’t live near water so we’ve got no flooding or falling trees.

I came home and knitted my fourth attempt at a bowl for my nonny. It failed. I didn’t bother with a fifth attempt and moved on to my Papa’s bowl. I really like how it looks so far but I’m pretty sure it’s also going to be a failure. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong though! I’ve changed from adding a stitch every other knit, to every third knit, and now I’m doing every fourth knit. It’s really annoying. I’ve spent hours working on these things and I can’t get them right. I’m frustrated!

There was something I forgot to mention yesterday… what was it…? Urgh, I can’t remember. Tomorrow I’m going to my aunts again at 1 ish. I’m going to be over there until at least 5 because my aunt ahs to go down to get my cousin from college and my mom won’t be home from work until 5ish (which is when she can come get me). The aunt whose house I’m going to didn’t get home until 7 tonight, so I don’t think she’s going to be home before my mom.

Time is moving too quickly. I don’t understand how it’s suddenly 11 PM. It was 11 AM just a few minutes ago! I didn’t get anything done today. Or this week. I’ve got to raise at least 6K for my summer trip and I have no idea how I’m going to do that. I can’t GET anywhere and I’ve barely got enough motivation to get up to eat any more. I feel like I’ve managed to get stuck in some sink hole and even though a life line is close by I’ve got sand in my eyes and won’t open them to find it. And pulling my arm up out of the muck to search for it is too difficult. All the while life is zooming by me but I’m too stubborn to ask for help. Changing my mentality would probably help the most. Right now all I want is for people to leave me to sink further into the hole. And although I see that I need help, I don’t want to ask for it. I’m stuck between wanting my circumstances to change and to remain the same. I know what this sink hole holds. I know what to expect from it. But life is fast paced and full of movement and change. I don’t know what the world holds for me, and so staying where I am is easier.

How many times have I told you all this now? At least a dozen. I think this is my most creative version yet though. *sigh*