Today was terrible. I woke up 15 minutes before I needed to and tried to go back to sleep unsuccessfully. I woke up every other minute, which felt like three hours, and then when I finally was awake, time seemed to fly by at an ungodly pace. I knew once I got out of the shower that today was going to be bad. I got to first period and was on the verge of tears for absolutely NO reason. I had to keep my mind completely blank for the majority of class to keep the tears out of my eyes. If I thought about anything my eyes would water up uncontrollably and I seriously considered just running to the bathroom to sob my heart out. I was fine in second period though. We had a small essay thing to write, which took the entire period but was easy. I finished early and had a little bit of time to throw together my project (which I printed off in the library between first and second and which made me late to second). I didn’t finish completely before the bell rang though, so I missed the bus which made me feel great. I hate taking the bus. I really just need to call my dad and beg him to give me the car because I’m seriously getting overwhelmed by how much (and yet so little) I have to do with the amount of time I have to do it in.

Italian wasn’t half bad today. I actually felt like I understood something. Of course, it was the first thing we were taught so the fact that it’s only making sense now shows just how much I understand other languages. To be honest, I couldn’t relearn English if I had to. Class was really funny today though. My teacher mimicked one of the student’s faces who she thought was confused by squinting with a confused look on her face and asking if he understood. He’s Asian and to avoid answering he whispered “racist” in a way that was quiet but still carried across the room so everyone could hear. The entire class started dying with laughter. The guy was obviously joking about it, he was just having a bad day and didn’t want to talk. It was definitely the highlight of the period though.

Have I mentioned how unmotivated and tired I’ve been feeling lately? I think I wasn’t cut out for college. At least not college and high school at the same time, and not more than one college class at a time. I feel completely overwhelmed and have been wanting nothing more than to sob my heart out for the past few days. I really don’t have that much work to do either! I’ve decided I’m not going to sleep tonight though. Because I’m such a procrastinator (though what I manage to occupy my time with I have no idea) I don’t start my homework until way late in the night. I usually do very little work and then go to bed. Well not tonight. Tonight I’m going to punish myself and force myself to stay up and write the four page essay that was due tomorrow but is now due Friday. And if I think I still need to be punished more I will force myself to complete the week’s worth of un-attempted Italian homeworks.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life…