August 25 11:43 pm

I’m sorry for not posting last night. I got home late and didn’t want to start writing while my mom was still awake. So I lay down to wait for her to go to bed (she was watching an old film on TV) and accidently fell asleep. So, despite the fact that I wrote this post yesterday, I’m going to post it today.


I got to go over and visit with J and D tonight. I was in the middle of FINALLY mowing the lawn, when they invited me over to look at D’s new eyelashes, lol. I immediately stopped mowing the lawn, and went inside to explain to may mother why I just HAD to go next door. I spent at least three hours over there. It was a ton of fun. We talked and talked and talked. They hadn’t eaten and had a huge ordeal about ordering in and what to get. They ended up googling something on J’s iphone, as well as searching bing on J’s laptop and then called several restaurants to make a decision. They went from wanting sushi to getting pizza. And they drank almost three bottle of wine while I was over. I could even stand a few sips of one of them. It was nice going over there; I feel like I finally got to have a decent conversation with someone.

J wants to surprise my mom by having me get my license, so we did a bit of studying online. It was really fun. We were either laughing hysterically or appearing to be really mad at one another. But I feel like that’s how I have my most fun conversations, when they‘re energetic and fiery. I think D and I get along well. We had some rather serious conversations, the most notable being “what changed in society that had made marriage an unsubstantial thing?” Or something like that. We even talked about sex, which I found hilarious. J was a little embarrassed by it, but I didn’t mind at all. It was just sort of funny how the 47 year old women who’s been through two marriages was asking the 16 year old virgin about what she should do with this guy who was texting her all night. Tonight was great fun, and I hope I can do it again.

J asked me about my sexuality, and I did tell her I was gay, but we didn’t talk about it much because I made it clear I didn’t want to. And I don’t. I don’t like talking (verbally) about it because I’ve spent my entire life NOT talking about it. We talked about J’s marriage and why it went wrong. We talked about… all kinds of things. I finally went home around 11:20 though because they’re both leaving tomorrow. J’s going to Oregon for 10 days and D’s going to her house for the weekend. Her house is five hours away, so she lives with J to save on gas to her job.

Once I got home though, I found that my mother had been waiting for me to come home. Naturally I was in trouble because I hadn’t finished mowing the lawn and because I’d “blown her off again”. It was sooo stupid. I NEVER go out, and whenever I do, I get in trouble for it. My sister can be gone all day without communicating with anyone, be stoned off her ass and have the police called on her, and my mother will barely even slap her on the wrist before asking her how she enjoyed her day. But all of the sudden I go NEXT DOOR for less than four hours and suddenly I’m the worst child ever. It was so irritating. This is why I don’t do things around the house, because no matter what I get in trouble. I get in trouble for not doing things, and if I do do them I get in trouble for not doing them correctly. Since doing them requires more effort, and I’m going to get in trouble anyway, I safe myself the effort and don’t bother with it.

I’m going to finish the lawn tomorrow, since it’s supposed to not be so hot, but of course I’m in trouble for that too. It should’ve been mowed all at once. Oh and I felt like I was rebuked for studying with J for my license. My mom was like “does she actually think you’re going to get your license then?” It made me feel like she was putting my down. At least J was making an effort with it. All my mom ever does is say, do you wanna go driving? Do you wanna go driving? You need to read your drivers manual. And then she’ll say that I have just as many problems as my sister, and I do have some issues, I’ll admit that, but she never puts any effort into trying to help me, certainly not like she tries with my sister. So, she’s mad at me for going to someone else and finding that they’re willing to help me and that I’d rather spend time over there ONE night during the summer, than mow the lawn. I’m sorry I’m such a horrible wicked evil child.