Being able to just do nothing all day really does wonders on a persons self esteem and outlook on life. Granted, I didn’t waste the whole day away, but being by myself for long periods of time always helps me recharge. Supposedly it’s a very common trait among Aquarius people.

I got up around 10. The construction down the street was upsetting to the dogs (the structure will end up blocking my view once complete so I’m none to happy about it either) so they were barking like a bunch of fools and forced me out of bed. Once I was awake I was able to indulge in some leftovers. They’re even better cold. After that I signed on for a while, and then decided I should probably do something with my day and went and swept the down stairs. After collecting enough dirt and sand to build an ant hill (not kidding) and enough fur to make a sweater (ok maybe only half a sweater) I went and got the vacuum. I then proceeded to vacuum the entire floor, and then the couch (which had a second ant hill in its crevices) and then made my way up to my room.

I got side tracked and did a bit of laundry, then I made my bed, then I sat and tried to make myself a logo for my blog. I couldn’t draw things the way I envisioned them, so the paper was burned in my fireplace to hide any evidence. Once that was done, I vacuumed my floor and then was done for the day. I think I did another load of laundry somewhere in there, but it was only a small one. I really didn’t do too much when you actually look at how much time I had in my day. I had hoped to read and finish my scarf and do all kinds of things, but all of the sudden it’s almost eleven and my day has disappeared. I did get a cute picture of my cat though.

 

Oh and look at my African violet! It hasn’t bloomed since… wow, November. I hadn’t realized it’d been so long.

It’s jus a shame none of them smell when they bloom. They are pretty though.

**********

I thought a lot about being old today. I looked threw my year book a bit, and was actually sad when I got to the senior sections. They had all these pictures of them as kids, and then what they looked like now, and I was kind of jealous. They’ll look back at their lives and see how wonderful it was. Some of them were still in the same group of friends they’d been in since elementary school. I haven’t kept the same friends for more than two years. My youth is wasting away from me, because I’ve already decided to grow up. Being a teenager isn’t an option for me anymore; my brain doesn’t even know how to do that. Teens love running around with friends, hanging out at the mall, getting drunk at crazy parties, and not worrying about the world. I can’t do any of that. It’s just not in me.

It amazes me how much people don’t realize. They don’t seem to think about anything. Every time I see something terrible happening, I feel sorry and try to defend the person or at least do something. Most of the people I know just look and then turn away. They don’t even talk about it. One of my friends in particular was completely clueless as to why I was irritated one day when a couple of guys were talking about me and throwing things at me. She honestly had no idea as to what was happening, even though she was sitting right next to me. How do you NOT see things like that? I don’t understand how you can see someone being tortured right in front of you, and not realize what’s going on.

Age has always been a bit of a screwy thing with me. I’ve always felt old. I’ve always paid more attention to things most people my age wouldn’t bother to notice. I know how to knit and have my own garden for Christ sake! My life is that of a retired person. I have my cute little yippee dog to prove it. Most of my thoughts are those of someone in there 70’s. Whenever I think about people my own age, I refer to them as young people and don’t connect myself to them at all. In almost all of my interests I’m the youngest by two decades. Anytime I talk about anything with people my age, they look at me like I’m insane because my knowledge is random and extensive. I couldn’t tell you who the latest and greatest rapper is, I stopped listening to the radio years ago. I often think about what it was like in the 60’s and 70’s and sometimes feel like I remember something from the time period. I’ve always believed in reincarnation and I honestly think I was alive during those times. Everything about me feels old.

It might not come through in my writing all the time, but I do regard myself as old. I have to remind myself that I’m only 16. Jesus, I’ve still got 70 years until I die. *losses train of thought* I’ve completely forgotten why I was telling you all of this. Crap. Urgh, that’s annoying. Oh and I forgot to mention, I’ve got a terrible memory. I’m constantly asking people to repeat things from halfway through our conversations, and if you ask me to do something you can pretty much forget about it. It wouldn’t surprise me if I end up like Dory from Finding Nemo in a few years. At least I might be happy then.

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