I have a bit more energy to write the post tonight, so hopefully it’s a bit longer than yesterdays.

I had to drive out to our lake property today. So that I could mow the lawn (in my school clothes [I had to do it barefoot because I didn’t want to ruin my shoes]) and then once I was done mowing I had to go around the edges of the lawn and trim the grass with scissors. And THEN I was expected to pull weeds, all while my dad sat and watched. I was pissed, let me tell you. Before we went down though, my dad was at work. He didn’t come home until noon. Why do I bother to com down here, if the whole time I’m here my dad is either working or making me work? And he honestly believes he knows me better than my mom does. Oh I’d love to slap some sense into him.

I hate driving. I can’t even explain why I don’t like it, but I don’t. I almost caused another accident today. The more I drive, the worse I get. I was fine during the summer, during Drivers Ed. I used to drive just fine, and only ever had one slip up during class. Now I can barely turn onto a street without causing a wreck. My car isn’t even insured yet! And it still has the license from the dealer on it! Oh how I wish I could get a bicycle and ride that around. I think I might even enjoy a motorcycle or a three wheeler. They have almost no blind spots and people drive a lot more carefully around you. Plus they’re much better for the environment. I don’t know what it is about driving that freaks me out, but I really can’t stand it. And I feel lie such a spoiled brat for complaining about how hard my life is because I’m being pressure to drive a nice new car that I got without having to even work for.

My sister went to my cousin’s bridal shower today. Of course it wouldn’t be a family gathering without some drama. I don’t care to explain it, because it’s just so stupid that it really doesn’t matter. The shower was at my grandparent’s house. I guess they were both completely exhausted by the end of it all. My Nonie said that this was going to be the last family gathering at their house (this time it’s for sure, seeing to the fact that she said that about Thanksgiving). Anyway, it sounded like it went nicely; I wasn’t allowed to go naturally, so I have no idea what happened. I was out mowing the lawn (twice around the perimeter and then diagonal up and down the hill [it’s so stupid I can’t begin to explain]) while the shower was going on. I couldn’t help asking myself several times today though, why I wasn’t born with a vagina.

If I had been born a girl, I wouldn’t’ve been bullied all my life. I would be treated like a princess on my dad’s side, and I would have much better self-confidence. I would have a billion friends, and wouldn’t spend every night (not that I’m complaining about staying home) home alone. I wouldn’t be the person I am today of course, but my lie would’ve been a lot easier. I suppose you could say that in a way I was “cock blocking” myself, lol. Whatever, enough with this sob story that isn’t even worth sobbing about. I’m tired from my hard day (my feet are still green [they match my thumbs]) so I’m going to sleep. But one last quick note before I go. My dads house is WAY too quiet. There’s absolutely no noise. And the bedrooms are all right next to one another so if one us blinks too loudly the others can hear. I feel like I can’t even move.