Today was not good, as was expected. I don’t know what it was but I was so drained from it today. And then I had to go and miss the bus so I had to walk for an hour to get home. Once I’m home I take out the dogs and as soon as I’m inside and have washed my hands I laid down in the middle of the floor. I would have loved to just have disappeared while I was laying there; to have ceased to exist in any form. Ah what a wonderful idea, it’s practically bliss. To be nothing, and never even know it; have no memory of anything because you simply could not have known or remembered. This is the state I was in when I came home and, in such a mood, I naturally want to eat chocolate. Luckily there’s still brownies left so I had some of those, then I realize I just want food so I make myself a chicken pot pie. I have just sat down when wouldn’t you know it, someone start knocking on the door. I figure it’s just my sister so I don’t hurry but then the front window comes into full view and what do I see? My sister has brought home four loud kids to look at my puppy, all of whom are unaware of my very depressed state. I was ready to kill someone, and one of her friends even noticed hahaha.

“You look like your going to kill him, hahaha.” She was referring to the friend who was holding Buttercup at the time, I was trying very hard not to glare at him, well the whole room actually, but I guess I let my emotions get the better of me. I wanted to scream not even because I was mad really I just wanted it all to stop. I wanted them all to go away; I wanted not to have to go to school where all the assholes are just waiting for me to arrive so they can glare at me from across the room, whispering about the “faggot”. I wanted to make my sister and her friends leave, so that I could indulge myself in self-pity/hatred. JUST MAKE IT STOP, I would love nothing more than to be struck by lighting. A beautiful way to die in my opinion, being filled to over flowing with pure energy and not being able to hold it all so you overflow with it and then your gone into the rest of the world. They left after being here for about five minutes, which was WAY too long for me, and now the only noise in my house is the dogs playing, my key’s clicking and the TV. Just how I like it.

 

PS: I will not kill myself for those of you who are worried. I think suicide is one of the worst things a person can do to themselves and though the thought has crossed my mind, it will NEVER happen. I will also not go looking for trouble in the hopes of dying, I hate humanity too much to give them the honor of killing me.

Hope you have a much happier day than I have.

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