If you remember, last year he tore the ligament in his back right leg. We’re not exactly sure what he’s done to his back left leg, but we’re pretty sure he’s torn the ligament in that one too. Whatever it is, he’s hurt it a lot more than he hurt the last one. He can’t put any weight on it and has to hop around on three legs. My mom had texted me at school to tell me I should give him some pain meds we’ve had since he hurt his leg the first time. I gave him the pill and some other stuff, which helps promote ligament growth or repair or something like that. He was pretty tired after that, but did manage to make it outside to go to the bathroom. He has a lot of trouble with the small step up into the house though. He got too hot being inside, so I let all the dogs out for a bit. Sam laid down in his usual spot at the edge of the patio and refused to come in for a while. I finally made him come inside once he started shaking from the cold. He had trouble standing up so I had to pick him up before he could start moving.

I feel like we should put him down, because I don’t want him to suffer just because we can’t afford the surgery to fix both of his legs, and because we weren’t willing to put him out of his misery either. Honestly, I feel like he’s just been hit by a car. That’s what I’m comparing this to. His front half is completely fine, but his back half is in constant pain and is almost unusable. I spent a good hour crying about it yesterday. I told my mom I thought we should put him down and she was completely against it. She wanted me to take him to the vet this morning, but then decided she needed the car more than he needed to go to the vet, so I couldn’t. She’s being forced to go to stupid parenting classes because my dad told the court that she was a bad parent and that’s why my sister went down to live with him. And my idiot sister is refusing to talk about the situation with anyone up here, or with a councilor. My mom finally forced her to go see a councilor, because the courts need her official statement.

So I’m home with Sam today (thankfully there’s no class because of teacher training or something), which is fine. No one will be home until 10 tonight, at the earliest. I don’t suppose I’ve mentioned this before, but my sister’s friend S has moved in with us. She’s been living here for about a month now, despite her crazy mother. Everything was going relatively ok until Sam hurt his leg. Now… he’s kind of lost his spirit a bit. He doesn’t have that happy glow in his eyes when you look at him, and he barely wags his tail. While I was crying yesterday, a massive murder of crows assembled around the house, like they knew something was going on. My mom is reluctant to put him down, but I really think it would be best. I just don’t think having him constantly asleep because of pain meds, and barely able to walk while he was awake, would be any better.

I’ll post a few pictures of all the dogs running around in the massive amount of snow we got a while back. Sam loved it, and ran around like a puppy the whole time he was out.

I’ve been becoming less and less social as well. Today I was working on homework for several hours and it got dark. I had absolutely no motivation to turn on the lights. I sat in complete darkness for at least an hour working on my laptop. My lights have begun to bother me a little bit, and I use the oil lamp my aunt gave me after Christmas (because I told her I loved her collection) more and more because I prefer the low lighting. Which I suppose is really nothing to be concerned about, I just find it odd that I’m suddenly starting to like light less and less.

I had the flu last week. Naturally it was the day before the quarter started, and it forced me to stay home for 2 days, putting me 3 behind in all of my classes. I’m taking astronomy 100, philosophy 106 and sociology 101 this quarter. Philosophy 106 is a logic class, and it’s going to kill me. We’ve got a test on Wednesday, which I’m not sure I’m ready for and I’m not done with the weekly homework yet, which is due Tuesday. My sociology class is easy but boring. We have daily readings to do and take notes on, which is easy enough, its just time consuming. And Astronomy has been really fun so far. I’ve already learned several fairly useless bits of information, which is something I do greatly enjoy. My only trouble in that class is going to be studying. It’s rarely cloudless in Washington, and I haven’t yet taken the time to find a map of the night sky yet.

*sigh* I feel like I’m being extremely ungrateful and snobby for saying this, but I haven’t been happy with life for a while now. And there’s really no reason for it. I’ve got a wonderful house, an easy life, I get to go to school, and I can have three meals a day if I take the effort to make them. My sister’s friend S moved in with us over the winter break, because she and her psychotic mother have been at odds for years. S was constantly tormented with mind games from her mom, who once kicked her out of the car in the middle of nowhere with no coat and no phone, because she (the mom) wanted to go to a party. My mom had to struggle with S’s mom for a bit, but eventually she got her to give S to us. She’s ‘on probation’ for a month to see how she does here.

I know my mom meant well by letting S live here, but she was struggling to get by before we even had her. She’s constantly telling me how we can’t afford anything, but then throws another kid into the mix, even though she has to pay child support for my sister and still pays for her medical and phone. She’s going to get a second job because we’re struggling so much. I’ve been thinking about getting a job to cover the expense of my school books (and later my tuition). I’m just not sure I could handle college and a job. I think once I actually got a job and got into the swing of things it would be fine. That said, I can’t afford to fail another quarter, and this quarter is going to be my toughest yet.

Ok, I need to go do school stuff now. I’ll bitch to you all later sometime soon I think!

This paragraph is going to make me sound extremely spoiled, but just bear with me and know that being spoiled is not my goal. My dad called and asked what I wanted for Christmas. I sent him my list, but felt guilty for it. My mom hates not being able to get my sister and I things like my dad can. She feels guilty about it or something, I don’t know. I honestly don’t care that my mom won’t be getting me as much as my dad will for Christmas. She’s had to deal with a lot more in the past ten years, and despite the fact that she makes more money than him, she’s in a lot of debt. I’m happy just having a home for Christmas. So I sent my dad my list, even though it means leaving my mom with even less gift choices for me. It doesn’t really mean anything, getting gifts from my dad. They’re just his meaningless apologies really. So when I ask for things from him… I don’t hold the same value to it like I do with my mom. He’s just someone I go to if I want something. My mom works really hard every day to keep what we have, so asking for things I don’t need from her makes each thing really valuable to me. The fact that she’s getting a second job makes me not want to ask for anything.

So today I baked her a cake. Yesterday I finally made myself pancakes for breakfast, and left the cookbook out and open to the cake page when I went to my aunts to make my mom’s Christmas present (more on that in a minute). My mom got home before I did and saw the cake page and thought I had made a cake. She made it sound like she really wanted one; so today I made a Pumpkin-Molasses cake with butter frosting.

Here’s a picture of it.

It came out of the oven half an hour ago, so I’ll probably put the frosting on pretty soon.

Of course I forgot tonight is the night my mom’s going Christmas shopping, so she got home in time to see me pulling the cake out of the oven, and then dashed off to the mall before it had cooled. I guess the good news is she’ll come home to a nice cake after several hours at the mall.

As for my gift to my mom, I wasn’t sure what I was getting her. To be honest, I didn’t even think about getting her anything until last week. The thought that I should get her a gift hadn’t crossed my mind. See, this makes me sound selfish. However. I remembered I made her a stepping stone during the summer, which I’ll carry over here on Thursday. While I was down at my dads, my sister said she would be getting my mom a massage, so I bought her a coffee so she’d put my name on that. And then yesterday my aunt called me to invite me over to make glass birdfeeders. I should’ve taken a picture.

You get a bunch of old glass vases and a bunch of clear glass plates and stack them up in a fun way and then glue them all together. We didn’t have enough vases or plates/glass trays and things to make them the proper height, since my two cousins were also making these feeders as well. You’re supposed to make them 4 vases tall, and then sink the bottom vase into the ground. These are only 2 vases tall… Also, you glue the tops to tops to keep the vases empty of debris. So it should go, Normal standing vase, then upside down vase, then normal standing vase, then upside down vase. Then you glue on a large plate or platter, then a cup or a candlestick or something. Something fun looking, but tall enough to keep space between the plate and the next feeder tier, which can be a shallow bowl or a little dish for under your cup of tea or something. It was really fun, but my older cousin took forever to get over to my aunts, so we didn’t start until about an hour and a half after I got there. It didn’t take long to do once we got started though. About an hour I’d say, since we were all sharing a glue gun (my aunt used some special type of glue) and we could only glue two things together at a time. It was mostly just sitting and waiting for the glue to dry.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for today! I really should come up with a proper sign off.

I went to my dads from there, and found only my sister home (first time I thought ‘why did I come down’?). She wanted to go tanning (this is the second time I thought ‘why did I come down’). So I went with her to go tanning. I just sat there for 20 minutes, not doing anything. We drove around for a bit, and went and saw my dad’s duplex he bought “because your (my) mother made me (him)”. It was a piece of junk. After driving around for a bit more we went home.

My dad was home, signing Christmas cards. We barely said hello he was so busy (third time I thought, why did I come). I sat and watched tv for a while, then his girlfriend came over to make cookies and asked us to help. I spent more time with her than with him. We finished cookies then my dad left to get a spare key made for my sisters car. Since my car is no longer mine really. Even though I’ll be getting it once I’m 18 supposedly. He also needed to go buy proper floor mats for the car, since he was too cheap to do that at the dealership. Before he left we planned to go out to dinner. But after another hour and a half of sitting and watching TV, without visiting with anyone, I was annoyed at having come down. I tried starting conversations with my sister, but she wasn’t really interested in talking to me. My dad was too busy to bother. So I left. My sister seemed surprised, and my dad’s girlfriend wanted my sister to call my dad and was surprised to see me go as well. My dad called ten minutes later to ask how far away I was and that he just had some errands to run. I replied “well you seemed pretty busy so I figured I would go since you clearly had more important things to do.” He just replied “oh, ok” and then we said goodbye and that was that. I’m not sure I want to go down for Christmas at this point.

I headed home and had dinner with my mother, and that’s been the extent of my evening!

Yesterday my mom and I started making applesauce. I can’t tell you how much I love homemade things. It just gets everything back to basics. I can’t explain it. Naturally I put too much water in, but I think it was for the best, because the house has smelled like apple pie all day.

I went to the Nutcracker with my friend H… I guess it was Sunday. I haven’t seen it in years. I couldn’t even tell you how long. Over a decade at least though. I usually hate dressing formally. I don’t know what it is, but something about it just makes me feel uncomfortable and stuffy. But this time I was in a proper suit. The kind with a vest and everything. It was actually fun. I think I’ll have to invest in a top hat a proper garb eventually. Once I have a house. And money. And I’m halfway in my grave, since that will be the only point I’ll have the spare money for that.

After I got home I didn’t do much else of note.

The highlight of my day (the good highlight anyway) was Sam biting the deliveryman this morning. I was leaving the house, and had JUST opened the front door, and the deliveryman was right there at the front step. I was freaked out, naturally, and I’m sure I looked scared out of my wits. We both started laughing, and I was like, Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you! Sam, sensing my distress, came charging out of the house and bit him on the arm . I felt bad for the guy, cause Sam is so big, but I was really proud of him for flying out and “defending” me like that. The guy was fine, Sam only nipped him, but it was still awesome! And it’s good the guy wasn’t injured at all, or that would’ve been really bad. So! I gave Sam a medal when I game home, lol. My friend from my POLS class randomly brought a medal she didn’t want anymore to class with her, and offered it up to our group. So I took it, cause it was perfect!

Here’s a picture of Sam with his medal!

The day went downhill from there. I’m pretty sure I did badly on my final for POLS, which we had today. I finished a little later than everyone else, but still before class was officially out, so I had a bunch of extra time to kill before my second class. I went to the cafeteria to wait for my class to start, and scanned through the textbook we had a test on in my next class. I then got to experience the joy of complete idiots at the table next to me, who were talking about the ‘bromance’ they had with their roommate. One of them then shouted “bitch you’re gay, come talk some gay shit with me” and when I gave no response since I was apparently involved in my book, he shouted “I need to talk some gay shit with a gay man”. I gave no response and they laughed and went outside. They were back within a few minutes so I left, cause I didn’t want to deal with them.

I managed to pass my econ quiz because the whole class managed to convince our teacher to make it a group quiz.

On the way home I almost ran over a cat.

I then had to go back out to meet with my idiot of a culminating project advisor, who didn’t have a clue about anything I asked him via email.

Aaaand on top of all of this I’ve felt horribly bloated and uncomfortable for the past few days, and for some reason my legs are both really sore like I’ve gone running. Which I definitely haven’t. I’m glad that the quarter is almost over; I need a break from life.

Oh! And I almost forgot! My mom wants to move because we can’t afford our house and all of its expenses. The furnace has broken, so we have to heat the house with the fireplace, which is twice as expensive. The water pipe to the house is so rusted we can’t repair the pipe to the sprinkler system, which is leaky. The front and back door need to be replaced, and there is little to no insulation in the house. We’re not even completely unpacked yet. I don’t want to move, but at the same time I’ll only be here a few more years, and this house has so many expenses. Oh! And there’s dry rot in my sisters bedroom wall. Like, the whole wall. I don’t know how we could get away with selling it, with all these expenses.

I just need to go to sleep. Hopefully I’ll feel better about my circumstances tomorrow.

http://www.charleshubert.com/store/index.php/pocket-watch/double-hunter-case-mechanical-pocket-watch.html

The only thing that could make it better is if the numbers were proper numbers, it had a 6 instead of the brand name, and the hands were a brighter color, or had white stripes in their middles.

I know it’s expensive, but when you think about it not really. Watches cost this much anyway. I’m going to get it for myself for a graduation gift. I was stuck between getting a pocket watch and going to Cuba this summer. After spending hours looking at pocket watches, and all of five minutes talking about Cuba, I knew where my heart lay. So I’m going to be getting one! There was a solid sterling silver one I was debating getting, simply because it’s 99% silver. It’s also $999 so I’m not going to get it. Now would be the time to do it though! It’s a shame I don’t have $1000 bucks lying around I could just spend on a pocket watch. *sigh*

In other news, our furnace is broken. Again. First time it wouldn’t turn on. Now it won’t turn off. It ran for 9 hours straight today. Nothing we did turned it off, so finally we had to flick the switch at the breaker. However you spell that. The furnace guy will be coming over tomorrow to look it over hopefully. Until then we’re back to using the fire.

In other news. I’ve got a 4 page essay due tomorrow at midnight. I’m only have way done. And I’m out of ideas on how to continue. I’m supposed to use a bunch of terminology from class, but so far I’m not finding anything that relates to my topic. Boo for economics.

I’ve also got a map due on Monday. Haven’t a clue what it’s a map of. I’m supposed to read something and then make something up about something relating to it. Or something. I dunno lol. I’ve also got about 90 questions worth of extra credit due sometime next week, as well as a group presentation in two weeks. The presentation has to be about a couple chapters from a book we haven’t read yet. So I’m supposed to read the entire book in a week and then come up with a presentation for it. We’ll see how that works out lol.

Ok, well I just wanted to blog for a little bit. Especially about my future pocket watch. Which my mom isn’t letting me get until after next quarter because I haven’t officially graduated yet. I should’ve graduated this quarter, but because of that whole stupid PE thing freshman year, I’m like a quarter credit short. Since I’m going to buy the pocket watch myself I’m just going to bother my mom until she lets me have her credit card lol. I’ll be that annoying kid for a few days, I’m fine with that. I need her credit card cause I’m buying it online. But I’ll be paying for it. Anyway! I’m done now I think lol.